In my blog post entitled, What’s On Your Plate, God basically told me I was co-dependent. I put it on the shelf so to speak, mentioning it again in my blog post To Share, Or Not, I mentioned the word, but at that time, I didn’t go too far into the subject. Now I am delving deeply into it and I am learning a ton.
While at a meeting a week ago, the table was filled with papers with various affirmations typed on them. As I sat listening to people sharing, I glanced over at some of the affirmations and started reading a few. One affirmation in particular distracted me so completely, I stopped listening to the speaker.
The affirmation read something like, “The most important person in my life is me.” I was instantly shocked and thought, “WHAT?!?! That can’t be right! This has to be one of those situations where the world says one thing and God says the opposite!” I was indignant. In my head, God comes first, then my husband then my children and on and on. I put that affirmation on the shelf,
where I’d previously put codependency and paid attention to the speaker again, but that affirmation kept messing with me all week long.
It came up again after I finished writing a journal entry. Upon finishing it, I found myself starting to write it. I stopped, closed and put the journal down and said, “Ok Abba, let’s talk about this. This can’t be right can it?” I heard a very simple, “Yes.”. In my typical argue- with- Almighty God fashion, I said, “Ok, no, that’s not right. That’s selfish and wrong.” Then I heard, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” At that, I burst out crying, but I was not done arguing with God yet. I said, “Oh my God, that’s in the Bible. No, no it’s not.”. Mind you, I know full well it is, but I was majorly offended. I told my daughter to google the verse. When she read it and told me where it is, I burst out crying again.
The reason I cried is because God knows me. He knows my co-dependency is such that I tend to others and exclude myself. I’m ok if you’re ok, I will just suck up whatever I’m dealing with to make sure you’re good because you matter more, you matter most in fact.
Love your neighbor as yourself. My goodness Friend, if I treated you as I have treated myself, you would not like me at all. Not even a little bit. That hit home in a huge way. And, because God and I have a relationship that is not devoid of silliness, it was as if He put change in a jukebox somewhere because I suddenly heard the chorus to the song, “You dropped a bomb on me, baby, you dropped a bomb on me.”
At that, I could only giggle through my tears and lovingly say, “Abba, you are so stoopid.”
Religious people should read “stoopid” as “silly” if that helps settle the spirit. I assure you, God can handle little ole Patrice. He is teaching me, and I love Him for it.