I don’t want to be a midwife, I think but the idea keeps popping up and at first I was, well pissed off but now I just sigh when I’m faced with it yet again.
As a doula, I love what I do and couldn’t imagine my life any differently. I absolutely love serving women during their pregnancy and labor. My reasons for not wanting to be a midwife are quite simple. It infuriates me to no end to think of someone or some entity telling me what I can and can’t do, who I can and can’t serve and how I should go about running my practice. If I want to serve a vbac candidate who wants a homebirth (in NJ where it’s illegal or where ever), I want to do it.
Everyone around me seems to think it’d be a very natural progression for me to move into midwifery. I have to agree because I’m already doing nutty things as a doula. No I’m not operating out of my scope of practice (for the doulas who wondering) but I do find myself thinking about non doula things. As I prepared to leave my home for the last birth I attended, I imagined my client- a first time mom- in the pushing stage of labor. She was having a hard time and I swear I fought with myself as I packaged a small container of Calendula infused olive oil and put it in my birth bag. As a doula, I’d never use it. I don’t do anything medical at all but I couldn’t fight the urge to bring it anyway. Sure enough the pushing stage was a bit of a struggle for her and there were times when I just wanted to push the OB out the way and have him support her leg while I supported her perineum properly, smh. Then I even have to think, would I have even done that as a midwife. Surely, I wouldn’t have dictated that she be on her back at all trying to push a baby out, that’s just stupid.
Anyway, I don’t want to be a midwife but I’m feeling a bit of a pull in that direction. So, what’s a gal to do? Will I look back at this 10 years from now as a midwife? I don’t know. I’ll just have to wait and see…
Empowered To Live Supernaturally 
I followed your link on the unassisted birth reading room emails. Your story sounds kind of like mine. I found myself thinking like a midwife and then trying not to. When I finally “agreed” to pursue midwifery, I got the book _Paths to Becoming a Midwife_, from _Midwifery Today_, and it was so helpful! It really helped boil down for me what kind of midwife I wanted to be. In my state (Kansas), midwifery is legal and unregulated, which is a blessing, but still, nurse-midwifery would be more socially acceptable. So that was my struggle: direct-entry or nurse-midwifery? Maybe you should pray and ask God if he’s the one who’s bugging you about this. š
Lol, I’m beginning to stop fighting it (though it still feels annoying) and am now looking into possibilities. I looked at that book online yesterday and wrote to Carla as well. I’ve been praying too. I asked God to give me clarity and if it’s where He wants me, keep it in the forefront so I can’t ignore it. This is what I prayed last week, lol.
Hi Patrice – found your website through http://thisiswhatadoulalookslike.tumblr.com/. Love your site, and your blog! (Whatever happened with your hair, did you decide to go with braids?)
Hi! I ended up getting all the perm cut out of my hair in June and haven’t been back to the beauty salon since! I *love* my afro!