Stepping Into My Destiny

Singing is something that has always been a part of my life.  A big part.  It’s one of many gifts I possess and it runs in my family as well.  As a child, when asked what I would be when I grew up, I’d say without having to think about it, “A singer.”  Only trouble was, I didn’t really enjoy it so much.  I just did it because I could, it was easy, it sounded nice, and people really enjoyed it when I did it, so I did it.  Plus, I didn’t want to poo poo on a gift from God, there are always the well meaning but flat out wrong people in your life who give you the “Use it or lose it” talk.  God does not give gifts only to take them away. He does not operate like that but, before I get off on that tangent…

I always knew that what I have is special.  People are almost sickeningly obsessed with high notes and of course my gift is one that caters to just that obsession.  My range is called coloratura soprano. This type of soprano has a high range and requires the singer to execute with great facility elaborate ornamentation and embellishment, including running passages, staccati, and trills. When I sing songs made for my range, I have more fun, it feels as if I am first floating, then flying and soaring-like an eagle, going where other birds cannot.  There’s a freedom with it.

The trouble was, I didn’t really enjoy singing as much as I knew I should, so once I graduated from a performing arts high school, where I was classically trained and left DC, where I sang a lot with my family as well as at school, I knew I would not sing as I had at home.  I would sing when I wanted to.  Singing felt like a bit of a prison that I had a love/hate relationship with-I couldn’t just stop doing it completely because it’s who I am.  I just didn’t like feeling like I was putting on a show.  I have always hated that feeling.  Like I was there to entertain others.  I’m not a show off and I couldn’t care less about showing people what I can do with my voice just for the sake of showing off.  I have nothing to prove to anyone at all.

For years, I would duck my former vocal teachers and even some friends because everyone would inevitably ask if I was singing and when I said no, because I knew they didn’t consider what I do at home with my children and husband legitimate, they would badger me about it.  I was operating in witchcraft some said, I was just wrong to deprive others of the gift I have… I’d better be careful, because God would take it from me…  Lol, when I sold Pampered Chef products, I remember my friend and husband agreeing that I’d rather sell pots and pans, than use the gift God has given me.  I got all kinds of “encouragement” to sing. 🙂

There were so many issues for me with singing.  Unless I was singing something that was in my range, I just didn’t feel I fit in singing with groups. I felt like I had to “dumb down” my voice to fit in oftentimes.  I couldn’t just be me and use my gift as I wanted because there was virtually no one who could go with me up there.  I was alone and different. Too different.

I was often used at various churches to “do the high notes no one else could do”.  That got old real quick.  I enjoyed opera but high school burned me out a bit and I just wasn’t feeling it until my last year in college when I paired with a fantastic teacher and joined Opera Workshop.  I thoroughly enjoyed that time but after finishing college, it was over.

Fast forward to last year… I learned the word for another gift I have always had is called “prophetic” and I have been going full throttle in it ever since- training in my gifts through private and group mentoring,conferences and classes, reading books and my favorite part- giving prophetic words!

Several of my friends began to prophecy things over me at different intervals- that I have a song in me… I will write songs and sing them…  The Lord is giving me a new song… I have a sword in my mouth… and my favorite, “Girl!! When are you going to let what’s in you come out?”

Last month, at a mentoring type of conference, we were to write down what we know is to be a part of our destiny.  The first thing I wrote was that I am to prophecy over people.  Next, I wrote that I am to sing prophetically over people.  Now, remember, I loved/hated singing so that one was just weird.  I stopped and re-read what I wrote but told myself to just keep going with the list and let that “error of hand” stay put, it’s not like I had to go back and read it or meditate on it or anything, it was harmless.  It was very weird, but harmless.  I laugh at myself now but at that time, I truly didn’t know where that part of “my destiny” came from, my hands had betrayed me writing down such foolishness, lol.

There was a second (there will be six) mentoring conference coming up and one of the pastors, Gary, called me on the phone.  See, Gary, like many others I hang out with is a prophet and the problem with having a bunch of prophets for friends is God tells them stuff. Gary is the type that, if you can do something but you aren’t ready to actually go in front of people with it, one, you don’t tell him, and two, you ask the Lord to not go blabbing it to him either because he will push you right out front to do it.

So, Gary says he saw me in a vision singing prophetically over people at the conference, at the time, I was excited, thinking about what I wrote down and never revisited, by the way- I shared that with him and said it would be fun and he was happy I agreed.

The day before and day of the conference I thought that I had lost my mind.  Why on earth did I just jump and agree to do that?  What was wrong with me?  Here I was again, in the same old pattern… An opportunity comes, and I, (without giving it much thought) agree to do whatever it is, jump, no dive happily off that proverbial cliff and then, midair, I “come to myself” realize what I have agreed to and freak out completely, but by then it’s too late.  I have already “jumped”.

I believe my prophetic gifting has something to do with me jumping off these cliffs.  Every single time I have jumped, something glorious has come out of it.

This time was no different, in fact, I think I can say with certainty that this time was the best.  With the support of so many of my new family members especially my two favorite spiritual daddy’s, Gary and Russ who played the piano for me, I stood and sang prophetically over people individually and then the whole group, and it was nothing short of amazing.  Only those who knew me believed it was my first time doing it, others thought I was kidding when I admitted that and, I had fun!! I don’t think I have ever had so much fun singing and prophesying.

Afterwards, as people began to share what it was like for them, some confirmed the very words God Himself told me in private moments.  One day, as I shoveled snow, I asked Him why I had such issues with singing.  Why did I hate performing so much?  What was wrong with me? He showed me in what I can only describe as movie clips, various scenes from my life and said so much. Some of what He said was this: “You don’t like performing because that’s not what your gift is for.  You have an anointing on your voice where it doesn’t even matter what you sing, lives are touched.”  (At this point He showed me a few moments when I played around singing, acting silly and people were touched to tears, saying they knew it was a joke but it really spoke to their hearts.) He went on, “When you sing, people are healed and restored.  Chains are broken when you sing.  Angels are dispatched to carry out your words when you sing.  It’s not about performing or putting on a show.  You are doing Kingdom business when you sing.  You bring My presence and glory with you when you sing, it’s serious business and not for mere entertaining.”

As you can imagine, I stopped shoveling and just stood in my driveway, my chin propped on the shovel handle, completely floored by what God was speaking to me.  This isn’t even everything He shared with me that day.  All of it was heavy, heavy stuff about who I am and my destiny.  Perhaps, one day, I’ll share the rest with you…

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