With each passing day, I am closer and closer to giving birth, and for once in my (pregnant) life, I don’t feel ready. You’d be hard pressed to find another pregnant woman past 36 weeks, pregnant with multiples no less, who isn’t eager for the all infamous “Labor/Birth Day” to arrive but of course, as always, I have to be different.
I wanted to go at least to 38 weeks with this pregnancy and I just feel strongly that it’s not going to pan out that way, not to mention I asked the Lord and felt the answer was, no, I would not go to 38 weeks with this pregnancy. The thing is, I tend to go before 40 weeks anyway, so it isn’t unusual, I just want to give these little ones every chance to be ready for life outside the womb as possible. I know all too well how precious every additional day in the womb is for a baby, let alone two or more.
Part of the reason I am not ready emotionally, is my family here in Jersey and New York. I don’t like the idea of missing various events and gatherings and actually cry when I think of missing them. I am very much a stickler about my post partum period, staying in bed for the first 40 days and only venturing out when I am absolutely comfortable. With the prospect of two babies, I don’t imagine I’ll be in a hurry to rush out the door and that bothers me. I have exaggerated, saying I’ll be back in the swing of things after 2-3 years and then cried a little feeling that wouldn’t be too far from the truth.
I also feel very strongly that missing my family isn’t the only reason I am not ready emotionally at this moment. Perhaps additional reasons have to do with the journey that got me to this point. Maybe it’s things I’m not so ready to deal with or explore just yet, I don’t know. What I do know, or Who I do know though, is God.
If God is saying I may give birth sometime next week, not only will my babies be ready, but so will I. He has told me over and over that I can do this and I believe Him. I do not and never did fear the labor and birth, which is something I am grateful to not need to work through. I know that a great deal of the people I miss would have absolutely no problem coming to visit me when I am ready to receive visitors and, I will likely be able to see others during our prophetic retreat in April.
Even though I don’t feel ready now, I can trust God now that all is well and I don’t need to worry about not being ready. This is an opportunity to rest in Him, to go to Him and talk it out and just bask in His presence and I’m taking it.
I’m setting myself to simply enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and just be in the moment. I will not allow the possibility of my not being ready next week (which isn’t even here yet) dictate how I feel and trust God today. That’s silly. What’s exciting to consider, is that God is already in my next week now, so if He says I’m good, I’ll take His word to heart and believe it.