Saying No to Trauma

We had a scare Friday night. My 9 month old son Jonathan was crawling in the kitchen as always, exploring his home, when I told my daughters who were also in the kitchen that I was going to the bathroom.

When I walked by him, he got upset (as he tends to when I seem to be leaving) but didn’t really make a fuss. I was on the phone with my mom.

While in the bathroom, I heard my oldest daughter Jaiela say somebody was blue and then my husband Jermaine told me to come downstairs now.

I hurried down the stairs and saw Jaiela pass a completely limp Jonathan to Jermaine. He talked to and rubbed Jonathan and turned him over. Jonathan was not responding at first. Jermaine told me to call 911 and as I dialed, Jonathan came to, sweating and drowsy looking.

Before I got off the phone with the people, Jonathan was behaving normally.
The people arrived and checked him out. They said he was (thankfully) perfectly fine and responsive.

No one found anything and the EMT said he could have choked on saliva, that happens. Jonathan has actually done that before but he didn’t turn blue and pass out twice.

We felt he must have quickly eaten something harmful so we watched him closely, and today, I noticed a kernel of uncooked popcorn in his stool. With a 9 month old’s trachea being smaller than a standard drinking straw, suffice it to say, it could have turned out very differently. We thank God that the baby is OK.

Immediately after the police snd EMT’s left, everyone in my family (outwardly) appeared to be back to normal; everyone except me. I know, after what we’d experienced, they were not all good either.

I feel this is something the enemy would want to use to traumatize us. I am a seer. When I recall conversations or situations, I can recall whatever I saw, even something in passing like a clock on a wall.

When planning an event once, I was asked about the space. I was able to go to the space in my mind, look around at it and see a yellow sign that said the maximum amount of occupants for the space. I saw it all over again almost as clearly as if I was there.

So, for me, although I know the possibilities full well, it wasn’t worry about what could have happened. He is fine. The problem was seeing my baby limp and unresponsive over and over again.

As we went to bed, I nursed him and began to whisper praises to God. I worshipped Him until around 2:30am and then fell asleep.

I refuse to allow the enemy to torment me. I will not be scared out of the gift to see that God has given me. I will turn this source of torment and use it to torment the enemy with praises to a God who gives generously, loves immeasurably and protects fiercely.

Even after seeing that image over and over, I also saw and continue to see evidence of angels all around this house. I praise God for that.

I am determined to fight to keep my peace. Jesus paid for it. It is mine and I won’t be robbed of it.

Even now, I can hear the Lord telling me, just after my 5th consecutive miscarriage, “You will have a son.” I remember asking Him to name my son. He eventually said, “Jonathan”. I remember crying when I looked up the meaning to find that the name Jonathan means, “Yahweh has given”. The Lord does not give and snatch away as some actually believe. That is not a good father. I wouldn’t do that to my children and I know my Abba is so much better at this parenting thing than I am. I will keep and treasure my gift.

The images can keep right on coming. I will simply use it as a praise break and worship my Abba, my God, the Many Breasted One who has done for me what I cannot and could not have done for myself. I will continue to trust and believe- no matter what.

5 thoughts on “Saying No to Trauma

  1. what an extraordinary post!! i’m thankful your baby is well and you’re rejoicing in it! your post couldn’t have come at a better time and i’m grateful for it and will also rejoice and give praises to our Daddy!! i pray He gives you more wisdom and increases your gifts. He obviously has big plans for you for Kingdom work!! you’re refreshing and i am thankful He brought you across my path (to follow here) 😉 blessings to you and your family and again, thank you for sharing your story at such a poignant moment in time for me…GBY!!!
    peace out

  2. Thank you so much for the encouragement Selah Vita!! It means so much at such a tender time. I can’t help but praise and thank God every time I look at and hold my son.

  3. Thank you, Patrice, for this amazing post! It comes at a time when the Lord is working to break trauma off my life and that of my adult children, as their father was just buried on Friday Feb 2nd! I will share it with my family and I am so in agreement with making the devil sweat for the attacks he puts out against God’s people!! Amen and he must pay back seven times acc to the Word! So glad the baby is fine😊🎉much love to you and your beautiful family

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