So much is happening. I am processing several things at once and I find it’s not always easy to write or even speak in a cohesive manner.   Typically, when I think of my thoughts as random, lacking any semblance of cohesion, they actually make sense, so, it is with this possibility in mind, that I push onward and write.

When people find out that I have 5 homeschooled children, they are often astonished and make remarks about me being super busy or some other, (weird) comment is stated.  I don’t feel any busier than anyone else honestly, and up until now, I have not had many real issues that had to do with my children.  The issue I have now, I know is temporary and it has to do with helping my son not flip out to the point of crying and not breathing until he passes out.  He’s only a year old, so reasoning with him isn’t an option.  It’s pretty much, try to distract him and if that doesn’t work, just hold him so that he doesn’t hurt himself when he passes out.  Not the most fun.  Thankfully, this, as most other things, will pass.  In the meantime, it is sometimes rough.

I am seeing an unnerving trend in the Body of Christ that sets my teeth on edge and has all my discernment receptors blaring warning signals.  In a nutshell, it is a trend of facing and focusing on problems, instead of simply asking Abba, what’s going on in those moments of confusion.  There’s a place for asking questions, wanting and getting answers, but there’s also a place for mystery.  Holy Spirit can help us know the difference.  Sometimes our prayers can even be so fear and lack based, it’s disheartening.  It implies that we are better moral agents than God, because we’d never allow certain things with our own children.  It’s so subtle, this deception…

Sometimes, I think we are so afraid of the free will God insisted on giving us, that we make up doctrine to support our religious do this, and do that. Proverbs 23:7 (As a man thinks in his heart, so is he) keeps replaying in my heart and mind.  We really do become our own self fulfilling prophecy because we are believing stupid things.

There are a few other things on my mind these days, like the deaths of people who were clearly not wanting to be here any longer.  Death is never easy. By the time I was 37 years old, I had experienced the deaths of two grandparents, my step father, my father and 3 siblings, with the closest of them passing on my birthday.  I have seen enough death up close, to last me a lifetime.  I have held the hands of loved ones as they passed. I’ve held babies who left their bodies prior to or right after being born.  I could go on but I won’t.  I have seen those who seemed to be taken before they finished what they were here to do, and while I do believe people can and do go before their time, I also believe free will can be a factor, and so can mystery.  Sometimes, things just don’t make sense (to me).  I am learning to be ok with that.

I was thinking yesterday how many die with this or that unfulfilled prophecy over their lives, but then, I started to consider why we are here to begin with.  God didn’t want workers, he has angels for that.  He wanted a family to love.  At its core, this is all about relationship.  It’s a family affair.  If the main goal is to be loved by Him and love others, I can’t think of any of my loved ones who did not fulfill that purpose, no matter when they died.  Every single person I can think of, especially those who have passed within the last year, loved so very many people.  They truly left beautiful legacies and they still live!!!  I am re-thinking so many things.  We get so caught up with the do-do’s.  We must do this for the Kingdom, we must do that for the Kingdom, when God simply wanted a family. It all reminds me of Jesus telling Martha, “One thing is needed…” (see Luke 10:38-42).

I heard a story once that I don’t fully remember and will add to.  A man invited his son to come work with him in his wood shop.  His son worked very hard, trying to replicate the quality of  his dad’s work.  He loved his father and wanted to make him proud.  Try as he might, he just couldn’t get his work to the quality that his dad so easily seemed to produce.  The son quickly became frustrated and angry.  What the son didn’t realize was that his father had him there because he simply wanted to spend time with him.  He didn’t need his son’s help, he really just wanted his company.  He was already proud of him and just wanted to be together making memories.  This is what I believe the Gospel really is, the good news that we have all, already been included.  We start out loved, wanted, accepted, celebrated, etc.  Anything we do from there, comes from a place of resting in that love, acceptance, celebration with our Heavenly Father.  That’s it.

The type of things I have been witnessing, if I were a new  prospective convert, I’d want to run the other way.  What I am seeing is not good news. I can strive without awareness of God and all He has done, I don’t need to do it with Him.  It’s unnecessary.

Rob Coscia summed up my feelings about so much of this beautifully. Why focus on the problem when you have The Answer?

I’ll end with Rob’s quote, “When you pay more attention to what could go wrong rather than to what could go right, failure becomes your unconscious goal.

When you study more of what the enemy has done instead of looking for what God is doing, fear becomes your internal theology.”