It’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything. I’m writing now to simply say that I don’t really know what to say besides saying that I am on a very hard journey to healing childhood wounds.
I implore you, if you have any of your own, seek help. It is unreasonable to think you can just go on and not pass on some or a lot of your own pain to someone you care for. Something I saw on Facebook from Christine Caine said it best, “If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” This makes me angry, actually. I find it difficult to fathom being so unaware of oneself, that one leaves a path of destruction in their wake, completely and utterly oblivious. I especially have a hard time when it’s children who catch the brunt of that destruction. It isn’t fair. I am intent on ending abusive cycles. The buck stops here. What I find even more disturbing is the covert nature of it. When it comes to people, I have an easier time taking those blatant, in your face types. Covert behavior bugs me because there’s such an insidious nature to it. It’s so ugly and despicable. Also, when one displays covert tendencies, it makes me feel that they have more control than they’re willing to admit, being able to behave one way here and another way there. I don’t handle that well.
So, I pray you are well while I’m going through all the emotions and what comes with healing. It’s hard, but it’s great and so very necessary. I am already a very different, healthier, more alert me than ever before. I am happier too, actually. As I said, it’s difficult at times, but this is a good thing. God is with me and I know it. He started me on this journey, after all. I will aim to write again soon. With love, Patrice.