The Illusion of Control

I am seeing things differently now and learning how to more poignantly pray for specific types of people.

The more combative and controlling the person, the more insecure and downright afraid they seem to be underneath it all.

Trying to control others is exhausting, fruitless and simply not our job. I am praying for freedom for people who have yet to realize they’re not God and they can’t fix others by trying to oversee another’s journey. That’s no way to live.

The fact is, we don’t and can’t control much. The only person we ought to try to control is ourselves. Many don’t even do that well, so trying to control others becomes even more of an impossible feat.

Self control is a fruit of the spirit that we should all aspire to.

This is something being highlighted to me these days as I have instances where people try to tell me what to do throughout my journey. Which is almost a sure fire way to see me do exactly the opposite.

I want to live my life in such a way that I am honoring the integrity of another’s path or journey. I am wanting to do this even with my youngest children.

A part of my husband’s journey has included a recent near death experience. Because I walk alongside him in life (although on my own path), I experience some of his journey to a degree.  The same is true for our children.

My sons, my oldest (5 years old) in particular, is crazy about his dad.  At the time of my typing this, my husband has been hospitalized for 5 days and my son asks about him often.

Culturally, the norm would be to shield the child from this experience and push them aside, while the adults “take care of things.”  The idea is that children cannot handle such things. I disagree, and I am not doing this. Simply because this, by default, is a part of my son’s journey, I am going to walk through it with him.

When I have brought my girls to see my husband, my boys, being only 5 and 2 are not allowed in and this of course upsets my 5 year old.  He wants to see his dad too.

I explained to him that his father is sick and is healing, but the rules of the ICU are such that he can’t come in.  Instead, when his father was conscious and alert, I helped him to Face time his dad.  This of course made him happy.  I ask him about his feelings and answer whatever questions comes to mind.  I refuse to leave him in the dark.  I want to honor that this is a part of his journey as well and teach him to process the tough things he’s feeling and going through.  This way, when he is an adult, he will have had practice with such things and won’t be inept and behave in strange or inappropriate ways when life happens.

My dad Gary said these situations bring out the best and worst of people.  It’s so true.  I am solely focusing on what I need to do for my husband, children and myself.  If it upsets another, that isn’t my issue at all.  I am doing what I need to do and that’s enough. I am no longer trying to control others, by trying to make sure everyone’s happy with me and how I am handling things.  I am happy to be free of the illusion of control.

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