Flashbacks

Flashbacks have been a very prominent part of my life since around July of last year. It seems that upon starting this whole recovery journey, a door has been opened that I wasn’t fully aware even existed.

It doesn’t feel like a thing of torment. It feels more like a journey of discovery and healing. With each flashback, I am now dealing with the feelings surrounding each memory. I’m no longer shoving it all aside, pretending it doesn’t exist, so that others feel comfortable.

It feels strange at times to do this when I have been taught to dismiss and ignore my feelings. In so many places, there’s a purveying message that says to leave the past in the past. Forget about the past and let it go, etc.

God is showing me though, that when your past hasn’t been effectively dealt with, it can continue to cause problems in your present and future. I feel very grateful that God didn’t allow me to stay where I was, as I know I would still be there.

Now, in addition to having flashbacks from childhood, I am having some regarding my husband’s recent hospital stay. Because I was on the go, taking care of things for my family, I didn’t have much time to process all that was happening, so I suppose, now is the time to do that.

I’m having to remember and employ the tools I’ve gained over the last year. I must put them to work for this part of my journey. I’m grateful that none of this has caught God off guard. He knew I’d be here at this moment. He planned and put everything in place for me to get through it all successfully. All I have to do is go to Him for wisdom and guidance. I don’t have to do this alone. That is such a relief.

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