My 3 girls either write and/or draw every day. Watching their progress, and hearing about how this experience is going for them is making me want to write more too. I often feel I don’t have much to say, but I realize it doesn’t have to be some enormous epiphany that I write about, although these days seem to be filled with them. I am also noticing a trend lately. When I speak with friends and think I’m just chatting about things everyone knows about and that’s not the case. Those are things I could write about too. I also need to let go of an idea of needing to write a certain length of a blog post. I have all these “rules” in my head and am now realizing they are just stupid.
One epiphany that has come around again for me is how deeply entrenched I am in not being very comfortable with being on the receiving end. I can handle it easier if there’s a way for me to pay it back in time or even if I have given ahead of time, I can deal with that a little bit better. Receiving in a manner where it is appropriate to just receive, without any reciprocation needed, is very hard for me, especially if it is something that involves a process. The more time passes where I am on the receiving end, not giving at all (because it isn’t the time for giving or perhaps inappropriate), I feel more and more uncomfortable. I feel I am at a time in my life where God is working on this with me.
Another thing that comes to mind as a reason to not write so often is that I am perhaps afraid of sharing more of myself for fear of rejection or abandonment. I am naturally a more open and authentic person. I don’t care much for superficial conversations or relationships. I don’t like to make time for such things. But, I am at a time in my life where I am ready to be fully me, fully present, with no apologies. Anyone who leaves, great, I didn’t have to give them the boot, they can weed themselves out. This is how I am choosing to look at it.
All this to say, maybe I will write more often and share more of my life and what’s on my heart. We’ll see.