appreciation

Culture of Honor

~ Patrice A London ~ 2 Comments

Where love languages are concerned, I always tie between two- acts of service and quality time.  I cannot choose one over the other.  Coming alongside me to help and chat with me as I wash dishes screams love.

In Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, it is noted that most often, people love others based on their own love language(s).  I know this is true for me because I am very often seeking to do something for someone and spend time with loved ones. It fills me to overflowing.

I am naturally a romantic, mushy, sappy type.  I love that too and at times crave that kind of experience to be directed my way, but I don’t always get it.  Rather than complain and constantly feel sorry for myself over it, I seek ways to teach my husband and children how to love me the way that most directly and clearly speaks to my heart.  We are in such a moment in time these days.

Around Valentine’s Day, in 2017, I decided to get sappy and romantic with my family.  From February 1st thru the 14th, I wrote each of them something that I love about them.  I enjoyed doing it and had no problem at all coming up with something for 14 days. This is just one example of the types of things I do to love my family and show them I am thinking of them and care. As much fun as I had doing it, I realized a few days ago, lol, that not one of them thought to reciprocate.

I realized that while it comes easily to me to honor those dear to me, it isn’t so for everyone, and because I want to raise thoughtful children, I brought this to their attention.  In as loving a way as possible, I discussed the importance of honoring others and admitted that there are and have been times when I have felt that I was “for them” and they were for themselves as well, leaving me out of the equation.  I told them that I would like to change that and teach them to be more aware of others, especially those closest to them.  I mean really, don’t cry, slob and snot if something happens to me and tell me how much you love and care for me then, tell me and show me now!

In trying to think of ways to help my family, Abba gave me a wonderful idea that I call, Culture of Honor.  There are seven in my household and seven days in a week, so for now, once a month (for one week), we are honoring each person in various ways.

I am enjoying seeing how they are choosing to show honor to one another. One child took over washing dishes another was doing.  One made another’s bed, bought another their favorite thing from the store, etc., many acts of kindness have taken place this week.  My prayer is that this will teach them to remember others and the important roles they play in our lives, and, honor them for it.

All too often, we get comfortable with those closest to us, so much so, that we completely take them for granted.  I don’t want to do this or be treated like this and I don’t want my children to do it either. So, we are seeking to change this and make some wonderful memories while we’re at it. People are very happy with how others are choosing to honor them and there’s a sense of excitement when thinking of what to do for others as well. We also plan to choose others outside our household to honor.  It will be fun to surprise people and honor them.  I am very grateful that instead of stewing in anger, resentment, and self pity, my Abba gave me a solution- Culture of Honor.  Who could you choose to catch off guard and honor today? Go for it, and tell me about it!

 

Look For and Appreciate the Gifts

~ Patrice A London ~ 4 Comments

One thing that has stuck with me is the idea that what we choose to focus on is what becomes magnified in our lives.  How we choose to focus on things makes a difference too. When thinking of my step-father, I can either see him lying in a hospital bed, me, holding one hand and my mom holding the other,surrounded by family and friends as he dies.

Another option is seeing and focusing on him being in the kitchen cooking, remembering the love that was jam packed in his hugs, hearing him still using slang from the 60’s and 70’s and laughing.

I’m not saying the negative images and memories don’t come, but when they do, I can choose to make a shift to the good.  I’m still remembering him, but in the best ways possible.  And, if the negative memories keep coming, because I know I have an enemy who wants to help me focus on the negative, I intentionally get God involved.  I don’t ever have to be at the mercy of past trauma and pain.

Instead of considering one ugly moment in time with the guy who raped me, who is now deceased, I can choose to focus on the many, many other moments where we played as innocent children from around 3 years of age up to 14.  I have lots of memories to choose from.

Instead of dwelling on the loss of my grandparents, father, step-father, two sisters and my one and only brother, I can think of all of the wonderful memories I have shared with them.  I can even go further to appreciate the gifts God has brought me in new father figures, and siblings.  Just as my sister Kerina left this world, God blessed me with another Karina.  No, she does not replace Kerina, she doesn’t try to, but I know she is a gift to me, and she is not the only new sister I have been given.

I can either focus on “losing” my brother Marc, or I can laugh at the many hilarious moments we have shared.  I can focus on not having a brother any longer or look up and take notice of my Chad, Damon, Carl, Charles, Terence, Boogie, Will, Dennis, Ralph, Eddie, Juan, Joe, Scott, Leon and so many more.  These are guys who all love me like only a brother could, some protective and strong in their presence, some let me be all motherly and feed them, others love to take digs at me and bug me in ways that only people with brothers understand.  I “lose” one, (which isn’t lost at all actually, he is in Heaven) and I gain so many others.

Just as I experienced miscarriage, after miscarriage, I was given an opportunity to witness a very healing and powerful birth with my sister Karina.  This was a birth that has been healing in more ways than one, as a mother and as a birth worker who has seen so much birth trauma.

I have more fathers and even mothers than I can count.  I went to Africa and gained 3 very different, but all very loving father figures.  Here, I enjoy paternal love from the likes of Russ Painter, Gary Fishman, Roger Fields, Tomas Kysele and more.  And my beautiful mama’s, women like Deb Painter, Robin Fields, and other women who aren’t even old enough to be my mother, have mothered me in ways I hadn’t imagined possible.  Robin’s lap is a sanctuary for me.  Deb’s loving arms and motherly caresses give me something that I never knew I would enjoy so much.

For me, this is not an issue of loss, but more so, I see it all as gain.  I get to have the wonderful family members that are still present and some gone, plus a whole other crew of people added on.  I don’t look at it as deficits with my biological family.  I see it as being able to have them and now this.  I get them all.  What a blessing!!

So, here is my challenge for you.  I have already prayed for you about this.  Ask the Lord to show you the times and ways in which He has provided such gifts for you.  Times in your life where all you could see is deficit, ask Him to show you where He was in those moments and how He provided.  Discover with Him, all the creative ways He provided, showed you love and beauty, right in the midst of your pain.  Let Him overwhelm you with it all so that when the enemy tries to take you to those pits of hopelessness and despair, you can shift gears to the multitude of ways, instances and moments that scream like neon signs, telling of how very much you are loved, cared about and provided for. I pray that you have an amazingly fun discovery!