changes

I’ve Not Disappeared, Well Maybe I Have

~ Patrice A London ~ 2 Comments

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything.  I’m writing now to simply say that I don’t really know what to say besides saying that I am on a very hard journey to healing childhood wounds.

I implore you, if you have any of your own, seek help.  It is unreasonable to think you can just go on and not pass on some or a lot of your own pain to someone you care for. Something I saw on Facebook from Christine Caine said it best, “If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” This makes me angry, actually.  I find it difficult to fathom being so unaware of oneself, that one leaves a path of destruction in their wake, completely and utterly oblivious.  I especially have a hard time when it’s children who catch the brunt of that destruction.  It isn’t fair.  I am intent on ending abusive cycles.  The buck stops here.  What I find even more disturbing is the covert nature of it.  When it comes to people, I have an easier time taking those blatant, in your face types.  Covert behavior bugs me because there’s such an insidious nature to it. It’s so ugly and despicable. Also, when one displays covert tendencies, it makes me feel that they have more control than they’re willing to admit, being able to behave one way here and another way there.  I don’t handle that well.

So, I pray you are well while I’m going through all the emotions and what comes with healing.  It’s hard, but it’s great and so very necessary.  I am already a very different, healthier, more alert me than ever before. I am happier too, actually.  As I said, it’s difficult at times, but this is a good thing.  God is with me and I know it.  He started me on this journey, after all.  I will aim to write again soon.  With love, Patrice.

What’s On Your Plate?

~ Patrice A London ~ 1 Comment

It’s been a little while since I wrote last.  At least it feels that way.  I haven’t really known how to say what I want to say at times.  Other times, I simply haven’t had much to say, and I won’t write if I have nothing to say.

I am on a journey to greater awareness of myself.  I am learning what makes me tick.  I am learning what triggers me to emotions like anxiety, anger, fear, sadness and my favorite, happiness.  I am good some days, and some days I am not doing well at all, but, God is here, taking me along this path that I must travel in order to get to a place where I see myself not as my parents have taught me to see myself, but as He sees me. He knows me best and His view of me is what will ultimately help me to be the best Patrice I can be.

A group of friends and I do prophetic assignments together every now and then.  One assignment had us envision a plate on a table.  The plate was filled with many things and so was the table.  We were to ask the Lord what, if anything on our plates, should be removed, decreased or increased, and what on the table that perhaps wasn’t on our plate, should be added.  I got a one word answer and then a moving picture.  My answer to what needed to be removed from my plate was simply, “People”.  Then, I saw the Lord remove the people from my plate and He got on my plate, arms outstretched, smiling, until He filled my plate with Himself.  Then, as He filled my plate, I saw all kinds of things go back on my plate but through Him, because as I said, He covered the plate.

I don’t consider myself a people pleaser, but I do love people and am very much an empath who has no problem at all feeling compassion for others.  My issue is that I lack compassion for myself.  I very easily leave myself out of the equation and that must change.  I need balance.  One dear friend, Jackie, has been pretty much saying this for a few years now.  Mothering and nurturing others is a skill at which I am a natural.  I love it.  I am learning to turn some of that mothering and nurturing onto myself and see myself as worthy of the time, attention and care I so easily give others.

He is to be the lens through which I see and do everything. I believe wholeheartedly that He is all in all anyway.  Nothing is changing on His end with this.  It’s my perspective that’s changing.  My subjective reality is matching up with what is and always was, because of Christ’s finished work.  I am healed and whole and waking up to that realization more and more.

I encourage you to do the assignment my friends and I have done.  Ask the Lord.  What’s on your plate that needs to be removed, increased or decreased?  What’s on the table that isn’t on your plate at this time but should be added?  Take time to dialog with the Lord about this and journal what you get out of it.  I’d love to hear about it too.  This exercise started a very serious and deep look at my life, like how my past affects my present.  It has highlighted different traits about my personality, habits and more.  Do this for yourself and see what God does with it.  It could very well change your life as it has mine.  I love you dear reader, Patrice.

Prophetic Ramblings

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

I hope you had a wonderful time last week celebrating with family and friends.  I took a bit of a break as I really didn’t know what to say in the midst of several pretty monumental moments of revelation I experienced on and the day after Thanksgiving. I think my Abba enjoys dropping revelatory bombs on me that cause me to stop dead in my tracks from time to time. 🙂

This post may be a little weird or out there for some but I’m going to move right along in it anyway.

I feel very strongly like there’s a lot of new things in store within the Body of Christ and then the world at large.  God is God and He being the Creator, is ridiculously creative, always doing something new that we in our finite minds couldn’t have fathomed on our own.

I feel that we are on the brink of another new and different move of the Spirit.  Mysteries that have been kept hidden until now will be released, people who have never before heard will suddenly hear, know and do things they’ve never imagined possible.  I think those of us who have had a taste and more of some of this are about to experience some things that we may find just plain weird but exciting and totally God, nonetheless.

I think it will begin within the Body and move out towards the world at large.  I see big changes ahead, changes that will propel us in the direction that the Father has wanted us to go in all along.  I see minds renewed as eyes are opened to seeing that some things they thought were one way, are actually something completely different.  I see a changing of the guard so to speak and even people who were once adamantly on one side of the fence in one area or another, hopping over to the other side, never to return. Lots of changes.

I see an end to church branding that seeks to exalt, market and promote that brand or sect instead of exalting and promoting the pure and unadulterated gospel of Jesus Christ. (see 1 Corinthians 1;12-17 and 1 Corinthians 3:4-6)

I see a lot of exciting, new and very different things happening in the coming year.  Now is not the time to turn away from the Father.  It’s not a time to allow anything or anyone in your life to command and keep your focus and distract you from Him.  Keep your gaze set on His glorious face.  Allow every circumstance to draw you into a greater intimacy with Him and watch what happens. You will never be the same.

Follow Jesus and Destiny Happens

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

When I consider my life and what I wanted to be “when I grew up”, I am in awe of God and the journey He has taken me on.

I love the process of going with His flow.  I love following His leading and prompting.  It is such a ride and an amazing journey that I could never have planned out myself.

This week, I want to share a part of my journey with you that I never imagined would happen- my ordination.

It was such a freaky idea at first that I told no one for a while, then, God reminded me that I have been doing the “work” anyway. This was just a sort of outward thing to do before others that would cause more doors to be open to me.

You can watch the video here.  Enjoy.  Sending extra love and peace to you all today.

Following Christ and Him Alone

~ Patrice A London ~ 2 Comments

I didn’t post anything last week because I was finding it a bit tough to make a whole lot of sense about what is going on inside of me these days.  Well actually, it makes perfect sense, it’s just, words escaped me and frankly, I was in no position to write coherently as I am almost always in a state of being ever so drunk on His love.

I have been feeling a bit differently  for several months now concerning some ideas and mindsets that I had about my Christian walk.  I couldn’t really put my finger on it initially but I just kept abiding in my Abba and as always, He has brought amazing clarity and revelation. Also, reading the book, The Mystical Union by John Crowder, speaking with a few friends who I consider no holds barred believers in the Word, and attending the Power and Love conference a few weeks ago just sealed the deal for me. I am forever changed.

I love how all I have to do is shift my thoughts to Him and boom, I am overtaken by Love Himself.

I love how I have but to focus on Him and allow Him to pour into me and He brings to light and fixes things I wasn’t even conscious of, let alone, looking to fix.  My focus is ever on Him.

I love the simplicity of His Word. In John 6:29 (NLT) it says, Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.” 1 John 2:6 NLT says Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.

I am finding that now, more than ever before, my focus is zoomed into Christ’s example.  If I am to be following His example, there are mindsets I have found that I need to let go of, mindsets that don’t exactly fit well with how He operated here on Earth.  I’m finding that the falling away of these old mindsets are producing an even greater sense of freedom in my life.  I truly feel like I am more than just a mere human being.  I’m not just here taking up space. I’m not locked into this constant struggle of I’m saved and going to Heaven but I have so many things I need to fix in order to receive all God has for me. I’m not striving or struggling to be who God created me to be, I am simply focused on Him and He is taking care of it all.

I am reading His word, not for information or to prove that I am correct (and someone else is wrong), but to know Him more intimately.  I am living in an ever growing state of revelation and awareness of who I am so that I can walk it out easily. I mean really, how hard is it to simply be who you are?  I am becoming love. I am believing in the One He sent and following Him and I am finding that His yoke is in fact easy, and His burden is light.  I am content to no longer allow my experiences or anything else I see, dictate where I place my trust/faith. My faith is in His finished work alone.  It is non-negotiable. I am choosing to follow Christ alone.

Freedom

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

One of the many ways God speaks to me is through my dreams.  It is one of my favorite ways because I have so little to do with it as far as control or messing it up.  He often tells me what He is doing or about to do through them.  He also warns me of what is soon to come through them as well and I just love it all.  Talk about Holy Intel!

One such dream went like this…  In the dream, I would look at the palm of my hands and then as I looked, I could see that the pads of my fingers were bruised. So, using the other hand, I would squeeze the pads of each of my fingers and thumbs one by one.  As I did this, lots of little needles, like the size of sewing needles, would protrude out and I would remove them.  I was happy to remove them, it was fun, even.  I did each of my fingers and thumbs until all the needles were removed.  Weird dream right?

I sent it to Gary Fishman, who interprets dreams.  Gary said that the needles represented words and negative things that people have said about or to me that have gotten under my skin and held me back in various ways. Removing them represents my gaining freedom in those areas.

Of course, this was amazing news to me but here’s what Gary didn’t know at that point.  Two people, an adult woman and an 11 year old girl, both prophesied over me recently that God was healing me in various ways, not just physically, but emotionally and other ways as well.  Then, I had that dream.  Also, something else happened.

One day, after I returned home from visiting family and friends in the DC area, I sat on my bed, looking at pictures of my son that my beautiful Debbie took and sent me.  14054219_10210243946161183_2369251474626678082_n

Here’s where God got all up in it.  I admired Debbie’s work first.  She is an amazing photographer, among many other things and my boy is a ham.  Then, I admired my son.  He’s quite adorable, right?  Then, God highlighted his complexion, but He didn’t stop there.  I looked at my son and saw the beautiful hues under his brown skin, the orange/yellowish highlights and before I could form a thought, God began to play a short movie in my mind.  There were various scenes from my childhood.  Being called names by classmates who didn’t deem me dark enough. A scene from my dark skinned cousin and I playing together and him shouting, “I’m the Black Avenger!”, after which, I yelled, “And I’m the Brown Hornet!”, then, out of nowhere, my dark skinned grandmother comes rushing into the room, got in my face and said, “No. You’re the brown nothing.  That’s what you are, a brown nothing!”  She left my cousin and I confused as we were way to young to comprehend what had happened.  Of course this didn’t stop me from letting my mom know that I was a brown nothing when I got home that day.

All that was a lot, but God wasn’t finished with my little movie.  Then I saw, countless times that others around me were deemed chocolate beauties, while I stood back watching it all.  I learned to appreciate dark skin.  I have always loved dark skinned people and could easily see their beauty where others couldn’t, but here’s what also happened.  When I looked at my hand or in the mirror, I didn’t look like them.  I wasn’t so “chocolate”.  So, I learned that they are gorgeous, beautiful people and me, well, not so much.  I just didn’t measure up.  Then God showed me a few more scenes.  One was of me and a dark skinned friend who I thought far more beautiful than me, holding hands, sitting on the floor, chanting, wishing to magically change and be each other’s complexion.  She was tired of being called black and I just wanted to be beautiful like her. I needed to be darker. Then, I saw the astonished look on my boyfriends face as my tiny grandmother practically dragged him into the house upon first laying eyes on him.  He was a beautiful chocolate boy, so immediately, he was approved.

So, God showed me all this, and then, He began to play scenes from times where I was complimented by friends and others about my complexion and I all but dismissed most of them because what I’d learned first, from the people most important to me, stuck.

Then, I saw myself just a few weeks ago, at a cookout.  It was said that there was a gorgeous chocolate little boy there.  When I saw him, I gasped, he was in fact gorgeous.  Then, still needing some sort of twisted approval, I made sure to mention that not only had I seen the boy, but I agreed that he was beautiful.  I got my nod of approval but when it didn’t feel good,  I dismissed it.  When God showed me that scene again, which occurred not even two weeks ago, I sat on my bed and cried.  I had let others issues with themselves affect and infect me to such a degree that I thought nothing of myself.  I thought nothing of the beautiful complexion He chose to give me, nothing at all.  I took on others’ issues as if they were my own and I owned those issues, unknowingly, for decades.

I repented and thanked God for newfound freedom.  I looked in the mirror and studied my beautiful skin and appreciated it like never before.  I’m right in the middle.  I’m not dark skinned and I’m not light skinned, but what I am is absolutely, perfectly beautiful.  I looked and looked for that gorgeous boy at the cookout when I had a gorgeous boy right there at the table with me- my son!

So, I’m done taking on issues that aren’t mine, and I am praying fervently for others with these color issues because really, it’s stupid.  I apologized to my brown husband for telling him that he’d better know that I married him for love, because he’s not dark enough. I have also apologized to my children and told them they no longer have to watch what they say about their complexions around certain people.  I am released from that bondage. Beauty comes in so many different shades and hues.  I am grateful to God that I am now free in this area.  I take to heart Galations 5:1 which says- “Stand firm therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and don’t be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”  I am free and will remain free.  Hallelujah!!!

For You Dear Reader, With Love

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

Last week, before I traveled to spend a few days with family and friends in DC and Maryland, I told the Lord that I wanted my next blog post to be centered around you.  I asked Him to give me ideas and thought naively that I would write this blog post while I was down there visiting.  Of course, that didn’t happen.  Here’s what has happened…  This morning, I looked at my Facebook newsfeed’s, “On This Day” section and saw the memories I made on this day, last year and years before, and I found the perfect thing for you!  It’s a prayer that I wrote.  Instead of just writing word for word though, I’m adding to it and changing it a bit, as I want to make it more of a declaration for you than a mere “wish list”. So, here it is, for you, with lots of love, my dear reader.

I speak peace and joy over you. No matter what is going on in your life and around you, may you always remember that you are never alone, never without options, fully surrounded, and deeply loved.  May every trial you face, push you further into the arms of your Father until the enemy refuses to waste any effort and/or resources targeting you.

I command healing over your body, from top to bottom.  His blood flows through your veins.  You are His family and because healing is the children’s bread, eat up and savor every morsel, dear one.  I decree that not only are you healed, but you are transitioning to walking in divine health because as a child of God, it is your right, your inheritance.  Jesus left no one sick.  His will is always that you be healed, so I declare that over you, in Jesus name.

I speak encounters with the Person of Love over you, knowing that perfect love casts out all fear and I pray that you would give the enemy nothing to agree with in your life, thereby giving him no room to enter in and run rampant.

I decree that all chains and strongholds over your life are broken and destroyed.  You are free.  You are free to be you without apology, fully being who you were called to be before the foundations of the earth.

I decree that your mind is being daily renewed in such a way that you don’t suffer from that old, ugly orphan spirit.  I decree that you walk in an ever increasing measure of revelation regarding who you are and Whose you are, so that you are free from being critical, bitter, depressed, worn down and out and lonely.  The truth is, you are loved with an everlasting love, fully surrounded and cherished, just for being.  There is nothing you can do to make God love or value you any more or less, so I declare that the religious spirit is not a part of your life, making you think you must do something in order to get something from the Lord.  Before you knew Him, He loved you, chose you, appointed and called you.  Before you were born, He died for you and gave you His all.  You did nothing to deserve or earn it, He did it because He loves you.

I declare that you are wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove.  You don’t easily fall for the enemy’s tricks to get your focus off God and onto yourself and your faults.  If your focus shifts to your faults and makes you feel like you are back to square one, “Just a sinner, saved by grace”,  I ask that Holy Spirit would pull you back from that religious way of thinking.  You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus now, no longer a sinner, no longer a slave to sin.  Your focus is ever on your Father and His immense love for you.  No distractions.  When you focus on you in this way, you’re missing out on what God has for you and what you are to give others around you. This is self-centered, not at all as holy as it seems.  The Father does not want us beating each other or ourselves up over sin.  He doesn’t do this to us.  He paid for every single one of our sins long before we were born.  Focusing on your shortcomings does not help you to get better, as what you focus on is what will grow in your life.  Focus on the Father, confess all to Him and allow Him to change your focus. Be filled and stay filled with all that He has for you.

I declare that wisdom and understanding be your closest companions.  I ask that you become adept in stepping back, outside of yourself, when things happen.  That you would climb into your Heavenly Father’s lap and see from a higher perspective, what is truly going on and behind every situation you face.  I pray that you take to heart the fact that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.  I declare that you see with greater clarity than ever before and can have compassion and wisdom in every circumstance.  May your eyes be opened to the enemy at work so that you don’t fall for his tactics.  I speak a constant flow of Holy Intel over you, straight from Holy Spirit.  You won’t miss a thing.  You have the mind of Christ.

I declare that you are filled to overflowing with every good thing- so much that you can’t help but affect and infect others with the goodness of God.

I declare that you live, truly live, not just exist. You will not just reach your destiny, but you will enjoy the journey and help others do the same.

I declare a holy unrest over you that causes you to refuse to stay where you are forever, that you would be both content but also rise ever higher in life.

I declare all the best for you, as I want for myself. Let’s rise together. There’s no ceiling. There are no walls. If you have built any for yourself, my prayer is that you would break through them and be free.  I love you, dear reader.

Look For and Appreciate the Gifts

~ Patrice A London ~ 4 Comments

One thing that has stuck with me is the idea that what we choose to focus on is what becomes magnified in our lives.  How we choose to focus on things makes a difference too. When thinking of my step-father, I can either see him lying in a hospital bed, me, holding one hand and my mom holding the other,surrounded by family and friends as he dies.

Another option is seeing and focusing on him being in the kitchen cooking, remembering the love that was jam packed in his hugs, hearing him still using slang from the 60’s and 70’s and laughing.

I’m not saying the negative images and memories don’t come, but when they do, I can choose to make a shift to the good.  I’m still remembering him, but in the best ways possible.  And, if the negative memories keep coming, because I know I have an enemy who wants to help me focus on the negative, I intentionally get God involved.  I don’t ever have to be at the mercy of past trauma and pain.

Instead of considering one ugly moment in time with the guy who raped me, who is now deceased, I can choose to focus on the many, many other moments where we played as innocent children from around 3 years of age up to 14.  I have lots of memories to choose from.

Instead of dwelling on the loss of my grandparents, father, step-father, two sisters and my one and only brother, I can think of all of the wonderful memories I have shared with them.  I can even go further to appreciate the gifts God has brought me in new father figures, and siblings.  Just as my sister Kerina left this world, God blessed me with another Karina.  No, she does not replace Kerina, she doesn’t try to, but I know she is a gift to me, and she is not the only new sister I have been given.

I can either focus on “losing” my brother Marc, or I can laugh at the many hilarious moments we have shared.  I can focus on not having a brother any longer or look up and take notice of my Chad, Damon, Carl, Charles, Terence, Boogie, Will, Dennis, Ralph, Eddie, Juan, Joe, Scott, Leon and so many more.  These are guys who all love me like only a brother could, some protective and strong in their presence, some let me be all motherly and feed them, others love to take digs at me and bug me in ways that only people with brothers understand.  I “lose” one, (which isn’t lost at all actually, he is in Heaven) and I gain so many others.

Just as I experienced miscarriage, after miscarriage, I was given an opportunity to witness a very healing and powerful birth with my sister Karina.  This was a birth that has been healing in more ways than one, as a mother and as a birth worker who has seen so much birth trauma.

I have more fathers and even mothers than I can count.  I went to Africa and gained 3 very different, but all very loving father figures.  Here, I enjoy paternal love from the likes of Russ Painter, Gary Fishman, Roger Fields, Tomas Kysele and more.  And my beautiful mama’s, women like Deb Painter, Robin Fields, and other women who aren’t even old enough to be my mother, have mothered me in ways I hadn’t imagined possible.  Robin’s lap is a sanctuary for me.  Deb’s loving arms and motherly caresses give me something that I never knew I would enjoy so much.

For me, this is not an issue of loss, but more so, I see it all as gain.  I get to have the wonderful family members that are still present and some gone, plus a whole other crew of people added on.  I don’t look at it as deficits with my biological family.  I see it as being able to have them and now this.  I get them all.  What a blessing!!

So, here is my challenge for you.  I have already prayed for you about this.  Ask the Lord to show you the times and ways in which He has provided such gifts for you.  Times in your life where all you could see is deficit, ask Him to show you where He was in those moments and how He provided.  Discover with Him, all the creative ways He provided, showed you love and beauty, right in the midst of your pain.  Let Him overwhelm you with it all so that when the enemy tries to take you to those pits of hopelessness and despair, you can shift gears to the multitude of ways, instances and moments that scream like neon signs, telling of how very much you are loved, cared about and provided for. I pray that you have an amazingly fun discovery!

A Word for 2016

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

Near the end of last year, Gary Fishman called me and asked me to call in to the show Strategic Insights with what I heard God saying for 2016. Before I could rebuff with an, “I don’t know” or anything at all, I heard the word ‘Acceleration’.  I now know enough to know that one word is more than enough to start with.  When I called in, I said something like the following: This is a year where those who have been truly seeking the Lord and walking with Him will experience acceleration like never before. There will be breakthrough in this year.  People will be elevated and promoted and pushed to the forefront, all for the advancement of the Kingdom of God.  I see things happening in a way that will provoke others who weren’t even considering the Kingdom, to come on over.  It is a time when people who have wavered and kind of had one foot in and the other out, will need to make a decision as things are going to move, fast, with or without them.

That was pretty much the gist of what I said on the show.  Now, as I type this, I also see people shedding cracked, brown, crusty layers of what looks like hardened clay or skin.  It reminds me of animals molting.  I see people shedding off old, crusty, religious mindsets that actually hinder their intimacy with the Father.  I see eyes being opened as scales fall off and people being truly alive, joyful and well on their way to their destiny.  I see more and more people who are not concerned with their brand of Christianity but instead are focused on Jesus and the mandate to reach and love on the lost, healing the sick, casting out demons and raising the dead.  It’s about to become associated with normal Christianity on a much broader spectrum than ever before. I see the giant that is the Church waking up and taking ground like never before.  Exciting stuff!!