Quick Update

It’s taken me a bit of time to get to writing this post so I’ll get right to it and will be back at some point with more.

On December 6, 2021, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer that has spread to my bones and blood.

I suspect a culmination of factors have contributed to this, including extreme circumstances over the last few months in particular with back-to-back deaths, massive loss from a flood, me cleaning obvious mold and pollutants, and more.

My approach to healing has some on edge, but I trust Holy Spirit to care for them as I must do what I do regarding this diagnosis for myself as I am the one who must live (or die) with the impact of various forms of treatment for this. At first, I thought of my children and how I must fight for them, but no. I must fight for myself. I can’t take on another person or thing. I have to tend to myself, for myself right now.

I am taking what feels like forever to decide on how to share this journey. Of course I have this blog, but I also have a youtube channel that I barely use to vlog. I don’t always want to be on video, but I think hearing my voice is great and brings something extra to others so I’m inclined to maybe consider a podcast too. I’ve done nothing beyond a trailer for that so far, lol.

When I decide on what I will do, I will be back. I want to share so much! The journey, all I’m learning and doing, so many things! In the meantime, I’m working my protocol and trusting God. I’ll be back. Sending you all love, Patrice.

Random Thoughts

I stopped doing birth work in big part, because I got tired of bearing witness to things that were wrong, dangerous, completely avoidable and traumatizing.

I began to say it was like going to watch an inevitable train wreck. Everyone could come out miraculously unscathed, dead, or something in between, and I witnessed every scenario.

I stopped doing the work I honestly loved, turned off the ringer on my phone and have left it on silent for years now.

I “lost” a “friend” who was accustomed to me being super available during my doula years. She didnt like that I was no longer so easy to reach all the time. I love and miss her but God has provided new friends.

Anyway, watching people today feels eerily like that of watching a train wreck in progress.

Only this time, while I still care and love, I am praying and fiercely guarding my peace. I’m not willing to just sit, worried, confused and hurt as I brace myself for impact of decisions I didn’t make. Decisions that weren’t up to me in the first place. We all have free will. I honor others’ right to exercise that and reap the consequences thereof.

Fear? NOT!

Anyone who has read the Bible has no doubt, come across the many ways we are told to not fear. We read that we are to “fear not. Why are you afraid? God has not given you the spirit of fear… Do not be afraid. Cast your cares. Worry is sin. Trust. Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go. Have I not commanded you?”

So many ways and times are we instructed against fear, and here we are, in a time where fear seems to be the new religion. It’s as if fear is the wolf, cloaked in sheep’s clothing. The clothing is currently being called “wisdom, care, love” among other names.

We have collectively come face to face with perhaps what is the most common fear of all- death. I am seeing death as more of a door these days. Of course, it’s sad and even traumatic for people left on the other side of that door, but the way I see it, I am either on this side with Jesus, or the other, with Jesus. It’s a win/WIN. I win here. There, I WIN! So there’s quite literally, no need to fear.

I remember telling my sister Sherri, before our sister Kerri passed away on my birthday in 2015, “The enemy is a fool. The enemy is threatening our sister with Heaven. Whooooo, you’re going to meet and live with your Lord forever more! You’re gonna see Him and Jesus face to face! You’re gonna see all the loved ones you have missed, children you didn’t get to carry and raise… Whoooooo”. How stupid is that? When I said it to Sherri, we even chuckled a bit at the sheer idiocy of it.

For Kerri, it was either that reality, or stay here on earth and be healed. Again… “Whooooo”. I mean, she was already here, struggling, but in faith for her healing. She inspired and encouraged many throughout her journey. She did well.

Of course, we miss her every day. She was the sister I was closest to at that time. I have now decided that I will be popping her on her butt when I see her for the sleep I missed when she died on my birthday. I was in shock and didn’t sleep at all. I didn’t believe she would die. She knows how I feel about my sleep. Anyway, my sister won and she won big. So did our oldest sister, our father and brother. They all won and are enjoying themselves as they pray for and join in watching us with the other cloud of witnesses.

This time of immense fear upon the earth has been a great teacher for me. At the beginning of covid, when I started to slip into the fear of the unknown, I heard Abba ask me what I was looking at. It was a stark reminder that once again, I’d taken my eyes completely off Him, to behold and dwell upon the plans of the enemy. “What you focus on is what will expand in your life” is a phrase I won’t soon forget that my former pastor, Dr. Mike Freeman says.

Listen… I seriously thank God that He speaks. I can’t even express how grateful I am to actually hear Him. To have Him interject a moment of despair. To have Him break right through, interrupting thoughts that are not of or from Him, in order to steer me back on the path He has set before me… HALLELUJAH!!!! There are no words…

Another thing that keeps coming to me is how many speak of losing consciousness before impact of some tremendous physical pain or trauma, especially prior to death or near death. Consider for a moment how people get into accidents of all kinds, saying all they recall are the moments before the thing occurred and then waking up in the hospital.

Even with my husband’s experience in May of 2019, he remembered that I took him to the hospital but was shocked to learn that upon waking up, he’d been unconscious for the better part of a week. He thought it was the same day and remembered nothing.

This all makes me think of how Jesus said he conquered death. Death is said to have no sting. Why then, do we not believe it when He said it and all the signs of just that are present?

God is bigger than it all and has conquered all for us. There’s nothing left out of all. We either believe Him or we don’t. The wonderful thing is, when we feel ourselves slipping in fear, He can help us come out of it. We aren’t stuck there. We are even commanded not to stay there. God gives us the grace we need to accomplish what He wants each day, one day at a time. We needn’t fear. God is bigger than it all.

London Family Update

It’s been a long while since I have written a blog post. I received a heartwarming email from a wonderful woman who reads my posts. She was reaching out to me because I’ve not posted in a while.

Each month, I write for a ministry page on Facebook called This Royal Life. I will share what I posted there on September 4th as an update.

Posted on September 4, 2021.

Two days ago, a tornado swept through our town and left us with no vehicles, a basement that was flooded with over 4 feet of water and flooding in our family room and garage.

As most who learn of this are devastated on our behalf, we ourselves are grateful.

We are grateful that not only did we not incur any further damage/loss, we are all fine. We have had a lot of loss recently, having 4 deaths occur in a 3 week time span and now this, but, I can say with absolute, unequivacable assurance, that God is so very good.

Living the royal life means that God makes all things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. He makes all things new and restores. He gives to us extravagantly and loves us in just the right way, reaching us at the core of our being.

I know my house is an absolute wreck at the moment. But just a few minutes ago, as I stared at my filthy, now empty family room, He gave me ideas on what it could soon look like. He helped me to see beyond what is, and dream. He gave me an inexplicable hope right as my basement began to have a waterfall down the stairway. The hope remained and grew stronger as we could no longer see even the first stair going down into the basement and the family room began to flood upwards of a foot of water.

He did this for not just me, but my entire household, right as it was happening. As the family room flooded, my son said, in a shaky voice, that all the water would leave the next day and the sun would shine. It did exactly that.

I see the destruction. I see the loss. I can’t begin to tell you all that has been destroyed. But, I know that God is up to something, and I can’t wait to experience it.

This is living royally. Trusting God beyond what we can see or understand, and resting, right in that space. My heart is full. I am in Love. Sending you love too.

A friend of mine started a Go Fund Me for my family. If you would like to contribute or share the link, you can do so with this.

We are also able to receive financial assistance through this cash app handle $PatriceLondon or Paypal

Prayers are greatly appreciated. ❤

I’m A Little Teacup (Apparently)

All my life, I have had what I now recognize as a prophetic gift. I would inexplicably know, hear or sense things. There weren’t many people I could openly talk to about any of it but it was there, showing up at various times in my life, over and over again. Sometimes, I’d blurt something out, other times, I’d just know. There were even times, I acted on what I knew and all would work out beautifully.

I don’t believe my gift is just for me, but I now see that it is not just for others either. I enjoy ministering prophetically, and I do so, not just in “appropriate”, church related areas and events, but wherever I am, whenever I feel I should. I feel compelled to do what God leads me to do, even if others don’t like it or agree. I just do, and I don’t apologize for that.

God gives us what we need as we are able to handle it. He is so good, He wouldn’t give us something good that we couldn’t handle, only to have it crush us. I got pretty good at ministering prophetically to others, it would get especially interesting and fun when I’d be paired with my oldest daughter. We have a sort of “Wonder Twin Power Activate!” kind of thing when paired together. We often see parts of the exact same message God has for people we minister to, and have been known to give really nice, more full pictures of things for people. It’s nice.

After some years of ministering to others, a group of friends and I began to focus on hearing God for ourselves more. We all agreed that hearing for others felt better, more accurate. When hearing something for ourselves, it got tricky. So many questions come to mind. Am I making it up? Is this me just telling myself what I want to hear, or is this really God? Lord, can you give me confirmation through something or someone else? Am I hearing you right? Can I trust that I am hearing from you, but for me this time?

I (low key) enjoy challenges, so along with my friends, I began a journey of getting to a point where I am more confident in hearing God for myself. I’m still on this journey and others, of course, but I am definitely not where I was and I believe it was all a massive set up, by God.

He began to tell me things for and about myself. He’d then confirm them in many ways, oftentimes, before I would think to ask for any confirmation. Without going into a long story, He has walked me through some unimaginable stuff, telling me exactly how to do it- and it didn’t always make even a little bit of natural sense- but it has been nothing short of glorious. The faith that I have in Him has grown exponentially. I’m pretty buff in the spirit, hahaha! With Him and because of Him, I am able to walk pathways not many can walk, and I am able to do it with my joy, peace and strength in tact. Perhaps these are stories I will tell someday. For now, let’s just say, I am one who looks nothing like all I’ve been through. When some hear my stories, they are shocked because again, you’d never know if I didn’t say anything. That’s how gracious God is though.

As long as I live, I will do what He wants me to do and say what He wants me to say to others. Right now, I’m just grateful that it isn’t just for others. It’s for me too.

I’ll end with a vision God showed me a few days ago. I eagerly sent a message to my Gary about it the next morning. He interprets dreams and visions… Here’s what I wrote:

“Good morning beloved Dad! I had a vision as I went to bed last night. I saw a white teacup. It was tilted over to pour and what was pouring out was crystal clear rivers of waters. It was an impossible amount pouring out of this small teacup, but it poured continuously and vigorously. Basically, a river pouring from a little white teacup, hahaha!”

Lol, I can still see the teacup. That water was not slowing or stopping. It was gushing forth with no end in sight.

Do you know what my dad said? His reply was simple. He said, “The teacup is you.” How sweet is God?!

The God Cheat

There have been so many times I thought to write. There have been many things I thought to write about, but each time, I just didn’t. I have had so many different things on my mind. I have several new things I am already doing and a few others that want to get into, so, as usual, I’m all over the place.

I pray all is well with you and yours during this time. For many, it is fraught with fear, uncertainty, sadness and more. I pray often for us all, and especially those having a tough time as we wait out this pandemic.

I never want to appear callous or as if I take grave things lightly, especially when others around me are clearly suffering. I am sensitive to that as I have been told throughout my life that I didn’t take things seriously because I wasn’t perceived to be worried enough.

The fact is, I trust God. That doesn’t mean I don’t have bouts of fear and He doesn’t have to pull me back into sanity, but as I heard a doctor say on a video, (paraphrasing) “If I can’t trust God to protect me from this virus, how can I say I trust Him for salvation and an eternity with Him in Heaven?”

In the beginning of this, I remember a moment where I felt fear creeping in. It was because of false information being circulated. Thankfully, God set me straight and showed me where I was to get my information. Ever since then, I have felt hope and peace and even joy in the midst of it all.

In this moment, I sat to write because I suddenly turned my attention to Abba and said, “Are you serious? Am I really sitting here happy and making plans and enjoying this time? It seems like I am cheating. It seems kind of wrong.” I am enjoying time with my husband and our 5 children. I am planning and delving into new things and old things that I used to enjoy, like rollerskating. Numerous blessings have come about because of and in spite of all that is going on. Things just look, hopeful and bright. I won’t apologize for this, and I refuse to allow anything or anyone rob me of this.

A former pastor of mine used to say peace isn’t the absence of conflict. You know you have peace when all hell is breaking loose around you and you’re good. I am using wisdom when I have to go out, but I am grateful that I am not afraid. I see this as an opportunity to grow deeper in intimacy and trust in God. I remember when I felt that first bout of fear coming on, I asked God to help me to trust Him because I didn’t really know how. The really cool thing is, even with Him saying we are to trust Him, He is the one who helps us to do it. He does it all. I pray you are well.

An Unconscionable Love

All five of my children have gone to the library, which has afforded me a very rare moment to be (physically) alone.  Naturally, I immediately set out to cleaning and straightening a few things, and, talking to God.  These days, I sometimes don’t feel able to do much more than ask Him to help me.  I need help loving people when they are at their worst.  I need help in being gracious when I want to go completely ballistic, telling people off in a manner that I feel they are so deserving. I need help in having compassion for those who are oblivious to their need to change destructive behaviors and patterns.  I need help minding my life, attitudes, behaviors, thoughts and business, instead of concerning myself with that of others around me.  My stuff is a lot, all on it’s own.

All this led me to consider Jesus.  Seriously, how did Jesus do this?  How could he look with love and compassion, blessing and healing those who would later scream, “Crucify him!!!”  How did he do that?  How could he smile, eat, drink, laugh and hang out with people who were utterly selfish, self serving, cruel, rude and more?  How could he hand over the money bag to a man that he knew would steal from them all and eventually, literally sell him out?  How could he not look at Judas, in this case, and not punch him square in the face?  My God! How did Jesus do all this?!

I sit here and consider myself and others, and how when we are betrayed or hurt, we feel as if we are the only ones who have these feelings.  We feel justified and sometimes go to great lengths to ensure that justice is served in one way or another.  We hope they pay for what they did to us, all the while, we are blind to our own offenses against others and God.

We want to see everyone “pay the piper”, except us, of course.  We want that ‘get out of jail free’ card. When it comes to us, we want mercy and compassion.  The same mercy and compassion we deem others unfit to receive, from us, and God.  Lord help us.  My prayer is that we truly learn to love as Jesus loves.  To seek after the best for others, not just ourselves.  The Bible says that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  We weren’t looking for him.  We didn’t want or choose him.  He chose and still chooses us.  Good and bad.  Ugly and pretty.  Nice and nasty.  We are immeasurably, irrevocably, and deeply loved.  Abba, help us to love as you do- with no limits or conditions.

Finding Joy In Trials

James 1:2-4 in the Message Bible reads, ​”Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

After getting a wonderful confirming dream from God, and listening to Bill Johnson speak on breakthrough, I am convinced that the Lord has saught to set me up for a serious promotion. The past several weeks have been very trying, so trying that, if I didn’t know the Lord, I sincerely don’t know where I would be or what I would be doing now. I have and am experiencing things that have literally changed the entire course of people’s lives, and just two months after giving birth, to boot.

The best part about the challenges I am facing is that God is faithful, ever present and fully available, especially when I turn to Him as so much seems to be going awry in my life.

I can take comfort, great comfort in knowing that not only is He not taken by surprise by any of what I am facing, but He has provided for me, from the beginning. 

All I need to do is trust and follow His leading. I can “count it all joy”, as I know that this set of challenges can help mature me in a way that will qualify me to receive far more from God than I ever imagined possible. 

God won’t give us more than we can handle. We tend to think of trials when considering this, but I understand it to include certain blessings as well.

 For instance, my 9 and 13 year olds can not ask and be permitted to borrow my car. It isn’t because I don’t want to share with them. They simply aren’t ready or mature enough for that type of blessing. It could literally kill them. 

My 18 year old, on the other hand, has gone to driving school and passed her driving exam. She has been driving for well over a year and is comfortable and good at it, so she can certainly get the keys to the car and go where she likes. She is mature enough and able to handle the responsibility. It is the same with us. I believe there is so much that God wants to bless us with, but we simply aren’t ready to receive it. We haven’t behaved in a manner that shows we are ready for the responsibility. 

Because God is a good father, He won’t give us anything, even a blessing that could harm us, even when He really wants to give it to us. I am thrilled to be loved like this and am now seeing the challenges I face, in a very different light.

Challenges are looking like enormous qualifiers to me these days. It is when all the “chips are down”, when we’re “backed against the wall” that what is really in us, comes out. Do we really trust that God is with us? Do we realize how surrounded we are by hosts of angels and options? Do we know how deeply we are loved and provided for? Do we believe we have been provided for even when what we see before us says the exact opposite?

I’m using this moment of challenge as an opportunity, a gift that will enable me to come up higher and be better off for having gone through it. I am choosing to praise, give, love, and bless my way through it. 

I will look back on the prophetic worda I have received over the last few years, and allow a sense of hope to grow and flourish even in the midst of what looks desolate and destroyed.

I will light up the area I inhabit with my heavenly language and praise to God, because He is surely with me during this most holy of set ups. 

I will walk, run, leap and dance joyfully with my Abba as I pass this “test” with flying colors, for He is surely with me, loving me, whispering messages of love and hope to me in my sleep and while I am awake.

I will keep looking to the One who is the Author and Finisher of my faith. 

I challenge you to do the same. When trying times are upon you, count it all joy. See it as an opportunity for growth and development. See it as an opportunity to qualify for something your Heavenly Father is just itching to give you. Worship Him. Praise Him. Thank Him for your breakthrough when it looks like none is forthcoming. Allow hope to rise up in you and rejoice. Look at and make personal, the promises in His Word. Look at prophetic words you have received and perhaps put aside. If you dont have any, but would like one, please write me and allow me to speak a word from the Lord over you, but whatever you do, don’t allow challenges to stress you out and keep you down. You were meant for more, so much more. God has so much in store for you. Will you set yourself in position to receive from Him today?

Who Do YOU Think You Are?

Romans 6 is filled with how God sees you as a believer.  It says you are dead to sin, and alive in Christ. You are joined with Christ in baptism. You can live new a life. Death has no power over you. You live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 7 says you are no longer bound by the law, struggling with sin. Romans 8 calls you more than conquerors. Other verses call you a royal priesthood, the very son or daughter of God almighty. You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.  You are deeply loved and on and on and on.

As one who encourages and ministers to others regularly, I don’t find it particularly hard to see the gold in others.  God has enabled me to see others as he sees them and be able to help them to see it too. As easy as it is to encourage and uplift others, I am finding that, in some ways, I have neglected to see myself in a proper light.  I noticed a few days ago that on several occasions I have said something about myself that simply is no longer true of my character.

I grew up in a single parent household, my mom’s only child.  As such, when kids tried to back me up against the wall and bully me, I came out fighting, and fighting hard.  I was always known as nice and sweet but I was also eventually known as one to not mess with as word of my completely out of control behavior spread.  It took a long while for me to get angry, but once I was, it would be as if I was taken over by someone completely different and completely unpredictable.  I am no longer that person.  I have not behaved in that way in over 23 years, yet I find that I still feel as if I am not far from that unpredictable, uncontrollable person at times and recently, I have referred to myself as that person.

Thank God for revelation!  I feel that He is patiently making His rounds throughout various areas in my life where a complete overhaul is needed in my mind and I am so grateful for it. The thing is, because, in those moments in my past, I seemed to be capable of things I never thought possible, getting angry like that today is kind of scary to consider. Here’s the thing though… God has helped me to develop a level of patience that I must say, I don’t see in many at all.  Also, God has changed how I see, so things that once would have upset me fairly quickly, just don’t.  For most women, messing with their children is a big no-no.  A man was recently openly ogling my 13 year old daughter in a very lecherous manner.  This was something that could easily set me off instantaneously.  What happened floored me though.  Not only did I not get angry, but two things happened. First, I positioned myself so that the man saw and knew that I caught his nasty looks.  I simply stared at him unflinchingly. This made him super uncomfortable.  Then I told him that yes, I saw him and from that moment, until he left, he seemed to be unable to stop himself from looking back at me and my gaze never left him until he was gone.  I effectively protected my child without acting like a fool in a public place.  The second thing caught me off guard.  I actually felt a sense of compassion for the guy.  Although I didn’t go and prophesy over him while there, (baby steps… gotta start somewhere, lol) I did feel for him and I began to see who God created him to be; a man of purity and righteousness.  God has changed my mind and how I respond to the unlovely things of this world.

This makes me realize more than ever that if He sees me as good, why don’t I?  Why am I still holding myself to past behaviors, mistakes and mindsets when He has obviously done so much mind renewal in my life?  I am now making a concerted effort to agree with my Abba about who I am.  What about you?  How do you see yourself?  Does it conflict with what God says about you?  Who will you choose to believe?

 

Taking God At His Word

With each passing day, I am closer and closer to giving birth, and for once in my (pregnant) life, I don’t feel ready.  You’d be hard pressed to find another pregnant woman past 36 weeks, pregnant with multiples no less, who isn’t eager for the all infamous “Labor/Birth Day” to arrive but of course, as always, I have to be different.

I wanted to go at least to 38 weeks with this pregnancy and I just feel strongly that it’s not going to pan out that way, not to mention I asked the Lord and felt the answer was, no, I would not go to 38 weeks with this pregnancy.  The thing is, I tend to go before 40 weeks anyway, so it isn’t unusual, I just want to give these little ones every chance to be ready for life outside the womb as possible.  I know all too well how precious every additional day in the womb is for a baby, let alone two or more.

Part of the reason I am not ready emotionally, is my family here in Jersey and New York.  I don’t like the idea of missing various events and gatherings and actually cry when I think of missing them.  I am very much a stickler about my post partum period, staying in bed for the first 40 days and only venturing out when I am absolutely comfortable. With the prospect of two babies, I don’t imagine I’ll be in a hurry to rush out the door and that bothers me.  I have exaggerated, saying I’ll be back in the swing of things after 2-3 years and then cried a little feeling that wouldn’t be too far from the truth.

I also feel very strongly that missing my family isn’t the only reason I am not ready emotionally at this moment.  Perhaps additional reasons have to do with the journey that got me to this point.  Maybe it’s things I’m not so ready to deal with or explore just yet, I don’t know.  What I do know, or Who I do know though, is God.

If God is saying I may give birth sometime next week, not only will my babies be ready, but so will I.  He has told me over and over that I can do this and I believe Him.  I do not and never did fear the labor and birth, which is something I am grateful to not need to work through.  I know that a great deal of the people I miss would have absolutely no problem coming to visit me when I am ready to receive visitors and, I will likely be able to see others during our prophetic retreat in April.

Even though I don’t feel ready now, I can trust God now that all is well and I don’t need to worry about not being ready.  This is an opportunity to rest in Him, to go to Him and talk it out and just bask in His presence and I’m taking it.

I’m setting myself to simply enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and just be in the moment. I will not allow the possibility of my not being ready next week (which isn’t even here yet) dictate how I feel and trust God today.  That’s silly.  What’s exciting to consider, is that God is already in my next week now, so if He says I’m good, I’ll take His word to heart and believe it.