At the time of my writing/typing this, I have no physical voice. After not having allergy issues for probably 10 years, I have been slammed, hard, this year. I am aware that because of the nature of the journey I am on, I am not functioning in an optimal manner.

In my videos I talk about being tired, having flashbacks, nightmares and more. It’s all par for the course with regards to the journey of recovery I am on.

Things that have not bothered me for a long while (like allergies) or have never bothered me, have started to. I am now asking myself how much of this is ok… How much am I willing to allow? I know all too well what it is to have a voice but not use it for fear of angering others. Having overcome that fear, I have to look at what I can do.

I am doing what I know to do. I am praying and using various herbs to help me through this time of resting my voice and body. Also, in the meantime, just in case the enemy wants to gloat at my voice being lost, I write to remind him that I still have a voice, and I will use it.

I was hoarse beforehand, but I likely pushed too far when I sang at the prophetic retreat and lead a workshop. Not too long afterwards, my voice had enough of my pushing and vacated the premises. Today is day 5 of no voice and I am not digging it at all. Because I am classically trained, I understand very well what I did and why this has happened but it didn’t stop me from shedding tears a few times when I tried and failed to call my daughter’s name, tried to scream and tried to make a noise I make with my 2 year old son when I touch his little nose.

My voice is coming back little by little each day. Every day I am declaring over my voice, prophesying over myself. My voice will return different. It will be stronger than ever before- more resolute. I speak supernatural strength and health over my vocal cords. I will do with these vocal cords, what God wills, and there’s not a demon in Hell that can stop me because greater is He who is in me than our already defeated foe.

I will sing, speak, and I will write, all for the glory of my dear Abba. I will not go gentle into that good night as Thomas Dylan’s poem says. I will boldly fight for what’s mine.