Simple Things

The simple things in life really get to me. They make me feel happy, content and even excited to be right where I am in life.

I awoke fairly early this morning and before getting out of bed, my toddler came into my room. He checked to see if I was awake- if I was asleep, his habit is to leave and allow me to sleep (amazing right?). When he realized I was awake, he climbed in bed with me and lay in my arms. All too soon, he was fast asleep again. I lay in bed, just holding him and feeling his little arms around me as well. I thanked God and thought to myself how grateful I am that this isn’t my life because of the pandemic, this is and has been my life for many years now.

Eventually, I had to get up. I decided to go check on the raw goat cheese I started the dripping process with the day before. Then I decided to finally make the lip balm, lotion and goat milk soap I’ve been putting off making. As I gathered items to make these products, I was blessed 4 times over as I stayed in tune with all that was going on around me while I worked.

I could hear our 2 doves cooing. We also have a cockatiel, but he’s still covered so he isn’t making his noise. The doves have a more muted smooth sound that is kind of nice. In addition to their cooing, I could hear my husband’s voice as he spoke with friends. I love his voice.

I could also hear foot falls from upstairs. I could tell it was my youngest daughter waking up and heading down the hall. Then, I could hear the muted sweet voice of my oldest daughter who is stationed in the basement each day, working.

At that moment, I stopped what I was doing and just listened, enjoying the songs of the birds and my daughter, the laughter of my husband and the foot traffic above me. It was every day, simple. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, it was oh so glorious. I pray you notice these things and more in your life. There’s always something to take note of and be thankful for in life. Don’t miss it.

My Birthday Gift From You!

I really should have done this post sooner but, well, here it is now 🙂 !

At the time of me typing this, it is March 4, my birthday! I am 42 today and feeling very excited and new, even at 42.

This year (and forever more), I am all about self love. I didn’t realize I was behaving in a codependent manner all my life and (low-key) hating myself. That is changing though, and because I genuinely love people, I want you to get in on this self love.

So today (even if you see this and my birthday has passed), I want a gift from you. I want you to join me in celebrating, and I want you to celebrate you! Do at least one thing today that you enjoy and make sure it is truly something for you! If you care to, share with me what you did or plan to do.

One thing I will do today is sit and spend time with my Abba. I will have my pen and journal handy and will write whatever He says to me.

I think I’ll do a painting tutorial too! I love to paint. I find it so relaxing.

That’s it for now, but please, love yourself today and always. And, don’t forget about my birthday gift mentioned above. You owe me, lol! Just kidding, but you do owe yourself plenty of love, so get to it!

Grateful

I am grateful and hurting. Happy and a little bit angry. I feel loved and a bit isolated. And, I feel dizzy, and nauseated and sleepy, but mostly grateful.

Someone in my family had twins today. I asked what kind- boys. I said, “That’s nice. I have twins too. The dead kind.” Eventually, I shed some tears as my husband held me and snored in my ear.

Then I looked on Facebook and someone I love posted lyrics to a song that talks about surrendering all to Him, withholding nothing.

I love that. I am so grateful to have a God who cares about me so much, who loves me so deeply and understands me so completely. I can be totally honest, raw and uncut with Him and He can take it. I can ask questions even the hard ones, especially the hard ones and He doesn’t get angry with me or try to make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do. He just loves me right where I am.

I am grateful that He has done something in me where the pain of loss is greatly lessened. I don’t understand what He has done or how nor do I really care. I just know I am not experiencing what I have in the past, what I could be experiencing right now.

The pain I feel now, I know it could be worse. I noticed it first with the passing of my sister, who is also one of my dearest friends. She passed on my birthday this year. I have experienced mourning in a very different way. God has truly “changed my pain” as we sang at her funeral.

This makes me feel so loved, so cared for by God. As I lay here recuperating from a significant amount of blood loss, dizzy, tired and a bit nauseated… I am thankful.

I’m thankful to be able to say aloud, any feelings I am experiencing about anything, about everything, especially concerning the children I won’t get to raise on this side of Heaven all the while rejoicing because when I see them, we will never part again.

I can rant about how unfair it is, all while referencing atrocities like abortion. I can cry to Him when so and so has her baby or babies or my other friend shares pictures of her beautiful twins or my other friend announces the sex of her twins. He understands that I am both happy for them and sad for me as well. He gets that.

What’s more is that He is with me when I decide to be brave and not only go out, but go out intending to serve His creation. He knows I love operating in the gifts He gave me, so right as I am bleeding, knowing that I am losing the second baby, but seeking to serve, He meets me and shows up in a way that only He can.

When I can only envision myself as a puddle on the floor, He gives me an unfathomable strength to prophesy through song… A song that has never been sung before and will never be sung again in quite the same way. How amazing! How awesome is He?

To leave my home where I literally cook for everyone else and forget to make something for myself because I don’t eat meat. Where I can be seen walking around with two right slippers, feeling at times as if I am coming completely undone, hanging on by a thread, but He cradles me, whispers sweet everythings into my spirit. Then He gives me the strength to keep going and still touch the lives of His people in a mighty way. Nobody but God Almighty does this!

So, even while experiencing the hurt, dizziness, sleepiness and all that comes with this type of loss, I feel so encapsulated in love. So protected, so strong, because in my weakness, He pours upon me His strength and it’s more than enough to get me through this… And for that, I am grateful.