This week, I want to share what I spoke on recently, at Heaven’s Invasion. I went through my last blog post, explained why I wrote what I wrote and made declarations from it. You can view it here. Enjoy!
One of the many ways God speaks to me is through my dreams. It is one of my favorite ways because I have so little to do with it as far as control or messing it up. He often tells me what He is doing or about to do through them. He also warns me of what is soon to come through them as well and I just love it all. Talk about Holy Intel!
One such dream went like this… In the dream, I would look at the palm of my hands and then as I looked, I could see that the pads of my fingers were bruised. So, using the other hand, I would squeeze the pads of each of my fingers and thumbs one by one. As I did this, lots of little needles, like the size of sewing needles, would protrude out and I would remove them. I was happy to remove them, it was fun, even. I did each of my fingers and thumbs until all the needles were removed. Weird dream right?
I sent it to Gary Fishman, who interprets dreams. Gary said that the needles represented words and negative things that people have said about or to me that have gotten under my skin and held me back in various ways. Removing them represents my gaining freedom in those areas.
Of course, this was amazing news to me but here’s what Gary didn’t know at that point. Two people, an adult woman and an 11 year old girl, both prophesied over me recently that God was healing me in various ways, not just physically, but emotionally and other ways as well. Then, I had that dream. Also, something else happened.
One day, after I returned home from visiting family and friends in the DC area, I sat on my bed, looking at pictures of my son that my beautiful Debbie took and sent me.
Here’s where God got all up in it. I admired Debbie’s work first. She is an amazing photographer, among many other things and my boy is a ham. Then, I admired my son. He’s quite adorable, right? Then, God highlighted his complexion, but He didn’t stop there. I looked at my son and saw the beautiful hues under his brown skin, the orange/yellowish highlights and before I could form a thought, God began to play a short movie in my mind. There were various scenes from my childhood. Being called names by classmates who didn’t deem me dark enough. A scene from my dark skinned cousin and I playing together and him shouting, “I’m the Black Avenger!”, after which, I yelled, “And I’m the Brown Hornet!”, then, out of nowhere, my dark skinned grandmother comes rushing into the room, got in my face and said, “No. You’re the brown nothing. That’s what you are, a brown nothing!” She left my cousin and I confused as we were way to young to comprehend what had happened. Of course this didn’t stop me from letting my mom know that I was a brown nothing when I got home that day.
All that was a lot, but God wasn’t finished with my little movie. Then I saw, countless times that others around me were deemed chocolate beauties, while I stood back watching it all. I learned to appreciate dark skin. I have always loved dark skinned people and could easily see their beauty where others couldn’t, but here’s what also happened. When I looked at my hand or in the mirror, I didn’t look like them. I wasn’t so “chocolate”. So, I learned that they are gorgeous, beautiful people and me, well, not so much. I just didn’t measure up. Then God showed me a few more scenes. One was of me and a dark skinned friend who I thought far more beautiful than me, holding hands, sitting on the floor, chanting, wishing to magically change and be each other’s complexion. She was tired of being called black and I just wanted to be beautiful like her. I needed to be darker. Then, I saw the astonished look on my boyfriends face as my tiny grandmother practically dragged him into the house upon first laying eyes on him. He was a beautiful chocolate boy, so immediately, he was approved.
So, God showed me all this, and then, He began to play scenes from times where I was complimented by friends and others about my complexion and I all but dismissed most of them because what I’d learned first, from the people most important to me, stuck.
Then, I saw myself just a few weeks ago, at a cookout. It was said that there was a gorgeous chocolate little boy there. When I saw him, I gasped, he was in fact gorgeous. Then, still needing some sort of twisted approval, I made sure to mention that not only had I seen the boy, but I agreed that he was beautiful. I got my nod of approval but when it didn’t feel good, I dismissed it. When God showed me that scene again, which occurred not even two weeks ago, I sat on my bed and cried. I had let others issues with themselves affect and infect me to such a degree that I thought nothing of myself. I thought nothing of the beautiful complexion He chose to give me, nothing at all. I took on others’ issues as if they were my own and I owned those issues, unknowingly, for decades.
I repented and thanked God for newfound freedom. I looked in the mirror and studied my beautiful skin and appreciated it like never before. I’m right in the middle. I’m not dark skinned and I’m not light skinned, but what I am is absolutely, perfectly beautiful. I looked and looked for that gorgeous boy at the cookout when I had a gorgeous boy right there at the table with me- my son!
So, I’m done taking on issues that aren’t mine, and I am praying fervently for others with these color issues because really, it’s stupid. I apologized to my brown husband for telling him that he’d better know that I married him for love, because he’s not dark enough. I have also apologized to my children and told them they no longer have to watch what they say about their complexions around certain people. I am released from that bondage. Beauty comes in so many different shades and hues. I am grateful to God that I am now free in this area. I take to heart Galations 5:1 which says- “Stand firm therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and don’t be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” I am free and will remain free. Hallelujah!!!
Last week, before I traveled to spend a few days with family and friends in DC and Maryland, I told the Lord that I wanted my next blog post to be centered around you. I asked Him to give me ideas and thought naively that I would write this blog post while I was down there visiting. Of course, that didn’t happen. Here’s what has happened… This morning, I looked at my Facebook newsfeed’s, “On This Day” section and saw the memories I made on this day, last year and years before, and I found the perfect thing for you! It’s a prayer that I wrote. Instead of just writing word for word though, I’m adding to it and changing it a bit, as I want to make it more of a declaration for you than a mere “wish list”. So, here it is, for you, with lots of love, my dear reader.
I speak peace and joy over you. No matter what is going on in your life and around you, may you always remember that you are never alone, never without options, fully surrounded, and deeply loved. May every trial you face, push you further into the arms of your Father until the enemy refuses to waste any effort and/or resources targeting you.
I command healing over your body, from top to bottom. His blood flows through your veins. You are His family and because healing is the children’s bread, eat up and savor every morsel, dear one. I decree that not only are you healed, but you are transitioning to walking in divine health because as a child of God, it is your right, your inheritance. Jesus left no one sick. His will is always that you be healed, so I declare that over you, in Jesus name.
I speak encounters with the Person of Love over you, knowing that perfect love casts out all fear and I pray that you would give the enemy nothing to agree with in your life, thereby giving him no room to enter in and run rampant.
I decree that all chains and strongholds over your life are broken and destroyed. You are free. You are free to be you without apology, fully being who you were called to be before the foundations of the earth.
I decree that your mind is being daily renewed in such a way that you don’t suffer from that old, ugly orphan spirit. I decree that you walk in an ever increasing measure of revelation regarding who you are and Whose you are, so that you are free from being critical, bitter, depressed, worn down and out and lonely. The truth is, you are loved with an everlasting love, fully surrounded and cherished, just for being. There is nothing you can do to make God love or value you any more or less, so I declare that the religious spirit is not a part of your life, making you think you must do something in order to get something from the Lord. Before you knew Him, He loved you, chose you, appointed and called you. Before you were born, He died for you and gave you His all. You did nothing to deserve or earn it, He did it because He loves you.
I declare that you are wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove. You don’t easily fall for the enemy’s tricks to get your focus off God and onto yourself and your faults. If your focus shifts to your faults and makes you feel like you are back to square one, “Just a sinner, saved by grace”, I ask that Holy Spirit would pull you back from that religious way of thinking. You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus now, no longer a sinner, no longer a slave to sin. Your focus is ever on your Father and His immense love for you. No distractions. When you focus on you in this way, you’re missing out on what God has for you and what you are to give others around you. This is self-centered, not at all as holy as it seems. The Father does not want us beating each other or ourselves up over sin. He doesn’t do this to us. He paid for every single one of our sins long before we were born. Focusing on your shortcomings does not help you to get better, as what you focus on is what will grow in your life. Focus on the Father, confess all to Him and allow Him to change your focus. Be filled and stay filled with all that He has for you.
I declare that wisdom and understanding be your closest companions. I ask that you become adept in stepping back, outside of yourself, when things happen. That you would climb into your Heavenly Father’s lap and see from a higher perspective, what is truly going on and behind every situation you face. I pray that you take to heart the fact that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. I declare that you see with greater clarity than ever before and can have compassion and wisdom in every circumstance. May your eyes be opened to the enemy at work so that you don’t fall for his tactics. I speak a constant flow of Holy Intel over you, straight from Holy Spirit. You won’t miss a thing. You have the mind of Christ.
I declare that you are filled to overflowing with every good thing- so much that you can’t help but affect and infect others with the goodness of God.
I declare that you live, truly live, not just exist. You will not just reach your destiny, but you will enjoy the journey and help others do the same.
I declare a holy unrest over you that causes you to refuse to stay where you are forever, that you would be both content but also rise ever higher in life.
I declare all the best for you, as I want for myself. Let’s rise together. There’s no ceiling. There are no walls. If you have built any for yourself, my prayer is that you would break through them and be free. I love you, dear reader.
I absolutely love where I am right now. I am speaking of the weekly services I attend at Heaven’s Invasion and more. I must say that every other church experience I had, held this sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken but definitely understood notion that everything you needed was all “in house”. If you missed service there, to go elsewhere, you were missing out. It was almost seen as a sin to go elsewhere for your spiritual needs. Almost as if you literally stepped outside the Faith and dabbled into some other religion.
Now, it is totally different, I see the body of Christ on a much broader spectrum and can go to other churches and know that I am still home. I have two such homes besides Heaven’s Invasion. One is Calvary Tabernacle and the other is The Sanctuary Fellowship in the Bronx. Gary Fishman is one of the pastors at The Sanctuary Fellowship. He interpreted a dream for me, and I learned that he has an annual prophetic summit in September (this year it is September 17th), so I went. I swear, when I walked in the building, I immediately felt at home. I was in no way, a mere visitor, it was so comfortable. I immediately fell in love with the people and the worship was other worldly. I actually met my pastor, Russ who led a workshop there but I didn’t realize he was actually 20 minutes away from me in NJ. Gary later invited me to Heaven’s Invasion to give a testimony during their Thanksgiving dinner celebration. That was my first day at Heaven’s Invasion and we have been going ever since.
Anyway, Gary has these amazing workshops and classes every 3rd Saturday in the Bronx. As much as we are able, we are front and center for them. These are people who exude the nature of Jesus so well and completely, one can’t help but feel welcomed, loved and at home with them. I have met many there who are invaluable to me. It is my home in the Bronx!
Then, we have Calvary Tabernacle… (((le blissful sigh))) Calvary is so very special to me for several reasons. First, this is a place where Pastor Clem has allowed several churches to occupy the same building. That speaks volumes!! Heaven’s Invasion is one of the several ministries that meet there. Again, this is a place that is so comfortable. There is so much love there. My favorite part is the youth. Oh, my word!! I have never seen such an amazing group of children. Children who truly love the Lord and each other with an openness that makes me tear up every time I see them. My two oldest daughters joined the youth group last year and loved it. This spoke volumes to me because my oldest has been a part of many youth groups and she never stayed with any of them because they were very superficial. The kind that says don’t have sex, live holy. They plays games, eat snacks and that’s about it. She wanted more and found it at Calvary. These children are learning to hear from God for themselves and others, they are learning to go deep with the Lord and are truly world changers.
I tried to stay away. My children are all homeschooled and I wanted them to have something that I wasn’t a part of, but of course, God had other plans and my girls are thrilled that I am there. Last July, the day after I had the first of 5 consecutive miscarriages, the prophetic evangelism group that I was a part of was invited to attend a meeting with the high schoolers of the youth group and prophesy over them. What a night that was for me!! There was one boy that I immediately loved, named Aaron. God revealed to me that although he had been through some serious and strenuous things, he has an amazing calling and future ahead of him. I prophesied over several others that night but at that time, he stuck out to me. I was also touched by the leader, Dennis. His love for the children was almost palpable. I was amazed.
I used to drop my girls off on Wednesdays and just sit in the car, trying to stay away but slowly, as I sat in that parking lot, reading or talking on the phone, God began to speak to me about various kids. Sometimes I gave them what God gave me, other times, I just stood back. Eventually, I ended up inside the building, but in another area as I waited for them to be done each week. Then, I don’t even remember how it happened, but I ended up sitting in the back during their service with my son who is normally asleep.
By this time, God started to speak to me about them, directly and through others. My friend Evelin and so many others gave me words about them. Evelin and my girls were the only ones who knew I was secretly in love with these people but trying to stay away. Eventually, I became a leader and I have never been happier. When I considered asking about being a leader, I hadn’t said anything but I remember Will, another leader, coming to me saying, “Have you ever considered becoming a leader? It’s obvious that you love them and have a lot to offer.” I said something snarky like, “Prophetic much?” because I’d literally just heard this from God.
When I finally went to Dennis, of course after needing so many confirmations from God, (such faith huh?) he said yes, and said that I was an answer to prayer and that he wanted to speak to Russ first. I connected him and Russ thinking he wanted to speak to Russ and make sure I wasn’t a lunatic. I later thanked Russ saying, “Thanks for the good character reference, they bought it, I’m in, lol!” Russ said that Dennis never asked about my character, he simply wanted permission to have me. Russ, told him of course, he didn’t own me anyway, lol. I was floored. I still am. We don’t even attend this church but we all understand that we are the Church and are therefore, family. I thought that because I wasn’t a member there, I would need to go through some protocol but no. I can’t tell you how honored I am to be among them and how very much I love them.
All this to say that I am so happy that there are parts of the Body that know that we are all family and truly live this out. There is never any mess about denominations or anything divisive. It’s all love. It’s all Jesus. I couldn’t be happier to be here in NJ, at this time. This is how the body of Christ should live. Together. United, in and by His love.
I deleted the post that I published yesterday. I started that post a few days before but around 4am. I couldn’t sleep, so I ended up erasing it all and writing something different, and publishing it from my phone. The problem is, what you received was the incomplete first draft that I thought I’d erased. So here goes round two. 🙂
When I’d moved to NJ from DC, I was a staunch word of faith girl. You couldn’t tell me anything. My goal was to pretty much find my church in DC, here in NJ, and live happily ever after. Of course, that’s not at all how things went. Over around 7 years or so, we went up and down NJ and NY, visiting churches. Some, we stayed at for months, others, weeks and some, we visited once. Although I didn’t realize I was prophetic, I knew God always told me definitively what church I was to join as a member. He said nothing as we visited these churches, but I tried to make a few of the churches work. Eventually, I saw how silly it all was and just gave up. We stayed home and worshiped and studied the Bible and attended whatever church related events we were invited to. We were believers without a home base. At first I was upset about it but after a while, I began to hear from God more regularly, for myself.
I began to realize that I didn’t need someone to tell me what God was saying for me, I could hear from Him myself. As I read the Bible, things that I had seen so many times before, jumped off the pages at me as something totally new and different. It was amazing.
Then, I began to miss what I had growing up in church, community. I felt confident that I could hear from God for myself and others, still not realizing that was prophecy, lol, but I missed people. I love people. So, after visiting The Holy Land experience in Orlando, FL, I began to ask God for the community I longed for.
Here’s the thing, God is a total show off. To say that He gave me more than I bargained for is a gross understatement. In this moment, I have to chuckle and admit, that He never did give me the church I wanted. He did so much more. He gave me Heaven’s Invasion. Heaven’s Invasion is nothing like any church I have ever seen or heard about, other than the first century one in the Bible. In fact, it isn’t a church. It’s not a business at all. It’s a regional gathering of believers. It’s a place where Holy Spirit is Boss. Where our pastor who we simply call Russ, is famous for saying that he isn’t in charge and asks, “What’s God saying?”
The mic is always open, it is never policed, and because we can all hear from God, people coming up to share what they see, hear, or sense, is a regular occurrence. There are flags and dancing. The worship is literally intoxicating. Angelic visitations as well as our resident angels fill the place every Sunday. Prophecy and healing and miracles flow freely there. In fact, when you come for the first time, you are bombarded with prophetic words from God that leave you feeling so loved and important to us and to God, because the truth is, you are.
Heaven’s Invasion is a very different place. Firstly, we meet Sunday nights at 6pm. Then, instead of starting with praise and worship, we start with the preaching/teaching, saving the best part for last. No two Sundays are ever the same there. One of my favorite things is that although we are a group of prophets, evangelists, teachers, pastors and apostles, you won’t hear anyone putting their function in front of their name. It just doesn’t matter. Everyone understands that those offices are simply functions. Just as my husband doesn’t go by Air Traffic Controller Jermaine, there is an understanding that you simply do the job, there is no need for a title. Jesus never stressed the importance of titles. Because everyone is shedding old mindsets that are a result of the orphan spirit, we all agree that our favorite title/position is that of sons and daughters. That is what Jesus modeled.
The best part of Heaven’s Invasion though, is the love. My friend said, “Heaven’s Invasion is not a church, it is a family.” She also said that she and her husband were really impacted by the obvious love that abounds there. This is a place where there are no cliques, no hierarchy, no made up “office of the elder” (I mentioned the five fold offices above, better yet, see Ephesians 4:11), it’s just sons and daughters coming together and man… It is beautiful. I have never been to a place like this before. Never imagined it could exist, but it does. We all chat daily, we go out to eat together, this weekend, there was even a sleepover! Together, we are doing what Jesus did and called us to do. Just today, we received a video message from a guy who had Leukemia. We have prayed with and for him, some of us visited him in the hospital. We commanded sickness to leave his body and today, he sent us a video saying that the doctors can find no cancer in his blood any longer. Hallelujah!!!
I am so overjoyed to be a part of this family. The people here are truly my family in every sense of the word. My prayer is that more gatherings that truly exemplify the heart and nature of Jesus become more popular than the more common modern day pharisee movement we see happening. I would love to see the places that hold such great significance in seating arrangements, costumes, titles and degrees, fade away. I would love to see the bride of Christ arise, shed this orphan spirit that permeates so many facets of the Church, and be content with being sons and daughters, knowing that this is the best position ever and is without a doubt, more than enough.
Last week, the highlight for me was relationships. My relationship with God, with my children, and, I’ve been taking notice of how people treat one another on social media as well.
My goal with God is that He becomes more real to me than my husband and children. He already lives in me so there is no such thing as getting closer, but greater intimacy is what I am after.
I was talking with some of the teens from our youth group about practical ways we can grow in intimacy with the Lord. We all took pause after I mentioned how we tend to do more talking than listening with God. I illustrated this by pretending to call Him on the phone. I asked Him what He feels I should do about such and such, and what He thinks. However, instead of pausing for an answer, I hung up the phone. This is how many treat God. Some insist that He doesn’t speak to them, but are they really listening? Is time set aside to just be with Him, basking in His presence, receiving from Him instead of making requests or talking incessantly? If we treated the people we see in front of us the same way we have often treated God, would we have friends? Would people want to be around us?
My relationship with my children is another very important one to me. I don’t hesitate to discipline them when I need to, but, I have lots of fun with them too. I am big on respecting children. I refuse to give more consideration, benefit of doubt, respect and patience to other adults or people period, than I am willing to give my very own children. I don’t make every mistake they make about me and focus on how it makes me feel. I’m more concerned with helping them learn and grow, and in doing so, it helps me to learn and grow as well. If they do something that disappoints me, I don’t necessarily need to tell them that. They know I’m not happy when they do something wrong. I’m more concerned about why they thought to make the choices they made that led to doing wrong in the first place. I want to get to the root of it and keep the connection I have with them intact.
This doesn’t mean we don’t ever get angry with one another, but it does mean that I treat them with the same respect I would treat anyone else with, if not more. I don’t have to make any declarations about being their parent, they know that, and, I am not just their parent, I am their friend also, at every stage of our lives together. I don’t lord my position and authority over them as children and expect that when they become adults, things will magically change in our relationship and they will want to be my friend. Why would they? I do my best to model Jesus’ example. He led with love and respect. Why should I do anything less?
With all that is going on in the world as of late, there have been many heated debates on social media and elsewhere. I thank God that He has been showing me the enemy’s part in it all. I see how the enemy wants to pit us all against one another. Because of this, I am not all emotionally stirred up, fearful, and more. I see and pray more effectively because He has given me the ability to come up higher and see the bigger picture and operate from an opposite spirit. After all Ephesians 6:12 says, “We wrestle not against flesh and blood…”. We have to remember that only love can conquer hate.
The topic of honesty keeps coming up as well. I know people who know they are brutally honest. Some of them seem to take pride in it, not realizing that they are, a lot of the time, more brutal to others than honest. In their quest to be and do right, they viciously mow over others hearts with their words, alienating people and making enemies in the process. We must prioritize. Do we care more about being in the right or our connections with our friends and family? I am admittedly a very black and white type. I don’t see a lot of grey. I like things to be done in order and correctly. I have pet peeves that center around so many different things like grammar, chewing loudly, music and more, but I value people so much more than I value the need to be right and tell others how they are wrong. I want to strengthen my connections with people, not tear them down just to be “right” in this moment. We need to value one another. When it gets down to it, we all just want to love and be loved and respected. We can do this. Let’s love one another better. Are you in?
For the past two days, I have felt so angry. As I type this, it is Friday, July 8. I don’t think I have ever started and deleted so many status updates on Facebook. My newsfeed is filled with fear, helplessness, hopelessness, hatred, (justified) anger and depression.
Yesterday I posted the following status update:
“If only Christians understood the authority we have in Him… So many things that happen, just wouldn’t. If you believe you are hopeless and helpless, you are. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). We have a real enemy, yes, but our enemy has been defeated. He is a thief, he has ability just as any thief does, but we have authority. We can bind the very will of God to any situation and see it come to pass. Problem is, so many don’t even have a clue what God’s will is to begin with. When will the Earth be able to stop groaning, waiting for God’s children to stand up, know who they are, and do what they are called to do? I’m so tired of the pleading and begging and wishing and hoping this will work type of thinking. “Oh God!!! Please heal, help, save, blah, blah, blah.”
YOU DO IT, “believer”!!! John 14:12-14 12 “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. 13 You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. 14 Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!”
Today, I posted the following:
“You have heard it said that as a believer, that same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of you. Do you really believe that? How is it that you are helpless, hopeless, depressed, running scared and without any options at all when He lives inside of you? The hope of glory dwells within you!!
There are some warriors about to rise up. Believing believers who won’t allow the enemy’s tactics to move or shake them into a state of panic or fear. Believing believers who will state the truth because there is a definitive Truth and His name is Yeshua. Dead will be raised, demons will be cast out and the sick will be healed. Where are those believers?”
Truly, what is in a person comes out in times like these. When one is pressed on all sides, backed up against a wall, that is when you really get to see who they are, what they believe and are made of.
People talk about us being in a war and fighting a battle. On one hand I get it, but, at the same time I wonder why a Christian believes themselves to be warring. I thought Jesus said, “It is finished!” because it was in fact and entirely, finished. He did it all, he won it all, gave us all and that’s that.
One of my friends once asked, “Then why am I going through all this stuff?” With love, I replied, “Because you are allowing it.” Sometimes, I think we much prefer staying in a state of victimization. We prefer situations being someone else’s fault, in someone else’s control or doing so that it is all out of our hands. We get to feel hopeless, helpless, victimized and do absolutely nothing but whine, cry, complain and mope. This is not what Christians are called to.
I think it is well past time that we shed this orphan spirit mentality and really take hold of our identity in Him. We need to show the world what the children of God can do. We can’t afford to waste any more time.
Here’s what I told someone I love: I think I have shared this with you but if not, just take some time and sit still and just focus on Him. Tell Him what you are feeling and going through. Lay it all out there, He knows anyway. Ask Him to give you something in exchange for those awful feelings and wait. Soak Him in and enjoy.
One thing that has stuck with me is the idea that what we choose to focus on is what becomes magnified in our lives. How we choose to focus on things makes a difference too. When thinking of my step-father, I can either see him lying in a hospital bed, me, holding one hand and my mom holding the other,surrounded by family and friends as he dies.
Another option is seeing and focusing on him being in the kitchen cooking, remembering the love that was jam packed in his hugs, hearing him still using slang from the 60’s and 70’s and laughing.
I’m not saying the negative images and memories don’t come, but when they do, I can choose to make a shift to the good. I’m still remembering him, but in the best ways possible. And, if the negative memories keep coming, because I know I have an enemy who wants to help me focus on the negative, I intentionally get God involved. I don’t ever have to be at the mercy of past trauma and pain.
Instead of considering one ugly moment in time with the guy who raped me, who is now deceased, I can choose to focus on the many, many other moments where we played as innocent children from around 3 years of age up to 14. I have lots of memories to choose from.
Instead of dwelling on the loss of my grandparents, father, step-father, two sisters and my one and only brother, I can think of all of the wonderful memories I have shared with them. I can even go further to appreciate the gifts God has brought me in new father figures, and siblings. Just as my sister Kerina left this world, God blessed me with another Karina. No, she does not replace Kerina, she doesn’t try to, but I know she is a gift to me, and she is not the only new sister I have been given.
I can either focus on “losing” my brother Marc, or I can laugh at the many hilarious moments we have shared. I can focus on not having a brother any longer or look up and take notice of my Chad, Damon, Carl, Charles, Terence, Boogie, Will, Dennis, Ralph, Eddie, Juan, Joe, Scott, Leon and so many more. These are guys who all love me like only a brother could, some protective and strong in their presence, some let me be all motherly and feed them, others love to take digs at me and bug me in ways that only people with brothers understand. I “lose” one, (which isn’t lost at all actually, he is in Heaven) and I gain so many others.
Just as I experienced miscarriage, after miscarriage, I was given an opportunity to witness a very healing and powerful birth with my sister Karina. This was a birth that has been healing in more ways than one, as a mother and as a birth worker who has seen so much birth trauma.
I have more fathers and even mothers than I can count. I went to Africa and gained 3 very different, but all very loving father figures. Here, I enjoy paternal love from the likes of Russ Painter, Gary Fishman, Roger Fields, Tomas Kysele and more. And my beautiful mama’s, women like Deb Painter, Robin Fields, and other women who aren’t even old enough to be my mother, have mothered me in ways I hadn’t imagined possible. Robin’s lap is a sanctuary for me. Deb’s loving arms and motherly caresses give me something that I never knew I would enjoy so much.
For me, this is not an issue of loss, but more so, I see it all as gain. I get to have the wonderful family members that are still present and some gone, plus a whole other crew of people added on. I don’t look at it as deficits with my biological family. I see it as being able to have them and now this. I get them all. What a blessing!!
So, here is my challenge for you. I have already prayed for you about this. Ask the Lord to show you the times and ways in which He has provided such gifts for you. Times in your life where all you could see is deficit, ask Him to show you where He was in those moments and how He provided. Discover with Him, all the creative ways He provided, showed you love and beauty, right in the midst of your pain. Let Him overwhelm you with it all so that when the enemy tries to take you to those pits of hopelessness and despair, you can shift gears to the multitude of ways, instances and moments that scream like neon signs, telling of how very much you are loved, cared about and provided for. I pray that you have an amazingly fun discovery!
I awoke this morning, so excited. Today was a day that I did not have to be anywhere. I could just be. Well, besides my weekly visit to my wonderful chiropractor, otherwise, I had nothing to do but enjoy some time at home.
Before we went to visit our chiropractor, I had to call Verizon. As the woman spoke, I began hearing from God about her. I know these calls are sometimes “monitored for quality assurance” so I was frankly weirded out at the idea of “propheteering” on such a call. (I know that isn’t a word. I sometimes make up words…)
I almost missed it. The lady thanked me for calling, I thanked her and I paused. She hadn’t hung up. I heard her typing, so, I said, “Are you still there? I have something else to say to you.” She answered affirmatively and I told her all that I was hearing from God for her. She cried and began to share some of her story with me. It was amazing. I felt so grateful that God gave us both that experience with Him.
Then, at the chiropractor, there was a guy. He was really cute. He looked like he came straight out of the 70’s, maybe even the late 60’s, with his hippy hairdo and shirt. I started to leave, then doubled back and gave him a word that really touched him. I told him he was really cute first though, lol.
Once I got home, things just, changed. I got annoyed because my daughter was all for going to an event when she thought I would pay for her. When I said she would pay for herself, I could almost hear the screeching of the tires as she slammed the brakes on the whole idea. I felt like I had failed as a parent. The truth is, as my dad Russ reminded me, I have taught them to steward the money they get well. Perhaps this is just an attack from the enemy.
Then, because the enemy loves to kick us while we are down, it hit me. Several of the babies I’d lost, if I hadn’t, would be here now. Then it all just went downhill from there pretty much.
When I get like that, it isn’t easy for me to pray for myself or even ask for prayer but I did it. I asked for prayer from my tribe albeit, at around 10pm, and got that and so much more. Words of peace, sanity, comfort, laughter, Scripture and more. One beautiful sister even sang to me.
Now, I’m feeling grateful. I sought to be kind and encouraging to others at the start of my day. Although I didn’t feel I could pray for myself, God gave me the strength to ask for prayer from people who I know love me. They did for me what I did for others earlier. I thank God for my tribe, my beautiful family. I love them more than I can say. May they be repaid 100 times over for what they have done for me tonight. And, if you don’t presently have the same unconditional love and support, I speak over you that, in Jesus name, you do now, not soon because soon is always coming, but now.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been immersed in this Divine Healing Technician training. Jesus said in John 14:12, “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.” The works Jesus did included raising the dead, healing the sick and casting out demons and He said we would do greater works.
I will never forget a story that I think my friend/brother Scott shared. He mentioned a new believer, going to a leader of the church and asking excitedly, “When do we get to do the stuff?” By “stuff” he was referring to the greater works that Jesus mentioned every believer would do. The reply he received was pitiful. The “leader” said, “Oh, we don’t do that here.” One could only hope that this new believer’s excitement and willingness to do what Jesus did and told us to do, would have rubbed off on this “leader”. Hopefully, it gave him pause and made him question why they weren’t doing the “stuff” at that church. How sad that we can hold so tightly, onto our made up doctrine and totally dismiss what we are supposed to be doing.
I think it’s disgusting and unfair to the Todd White’s, Benny Hinn’s, Curry Blake’s and more who are doing what Jesus said to do while the rest of us sit back as if they are special and have some anointing that we just don’t possess.They can’t possibly get to all the hurting, dead and dying people in the world by themselves. We all need to pitch in and help! It is our responsibility! Jesus didn’t die just so that we could go to Heaven when we die. He deserves to get all of what He paid for. So many are sitting around asking God to heal this one and that one when He said, “YOU do it!” We hear and agree all the time when it is said that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of us. What are you doing with that power? So many are waiting for God to do something that He either already did or told us to do. It’s sickening.
I am working on getting rid of old, stupid ideas and thoughts so that I can see consistency when I pray for healing. I have seen enough people healed when I have stepped forward to know that this works, but there are times when it hasn’t happened so I know the issue lies with me. I keep seeing weird things happen too. My husband had a headache and asked me to pray. I commanded it to leave and as I had my hand on him, it started to leave. When I removed my hand, the headache came back. That’s stupid. Why do I need to stand there forever? What if I was at an event, praying for hundreds or thousands of people? I wouldn’t be able to stand there with one person like that. If it has to be that way some of the time, it would need to be that way period and I don’t see that represented in Scripture, so I need breakthrough in some area so that this is not an issue.
I also had an interesting time on Mother’s Day. The day before, I had to care for my middle daughter who became sick. I prayed for her, nothing much happened, I think. I ended up sick right along with her. We spent the entire day in bed together on Mother’s Day. I prayed for myself and nothing much happened, I think. I say, ‘I think’, because I don’t know. We tend to think of healing as always being a miraculous, instantaneous thing, not something that ever happens over any length of time.
Two interesting things happened for me though. I decided to get up as if I was healed and take a shower and instantly, I felt better, not totally, but there was definitely a measure of healing that took place as I walked to the bathroom. I heard in my spirit, “They were healed as they went.” Also, because I am such an amazing mom, I went to the store while feeling awful to get fruit for myself and my sick daughter. She didn’t want anything else. While at the store, I kept hearing God tell me about the cashier but I said nothing. Then as we left, I turned around, went back and told the cashier. As I left the store and walked to my car, I felt totally better. It didn’t last though. So, I am intent on getting this. It’s my right and responsibility as God’s daughter.
The Bible says that signs should follow every believer, so the question then becomes, do you believe?