loved

Being Valued

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

I always thought that in order to be loved, I had to be really good. I was literally told that I wasn’t wanted so I translated that message into having to work hard to make everyone happy and proud and then, maybe, I would be loved and wanted in return. I did pretty good with it too, adapting a lot of perfectionistic behaviors to try and make it all work out. Thanks be to God, I am so done with that.

What I dismissed and ignored, God has shone a blazing light on. I am no longer normalizing the abnormal and harmful. I am facing what is, head on and with God’s help, healing and dealing with it all. It is HARD. I am worth it though. So I trudge through, sometimes laughing, playing and joking, other times sobbing and wailing, but I am moving, always moving along.

Just after Christmas, I had two sisters come to visit for 5 days. My children and I were sick most of their visit but we still managed to have a great time. One of my sisters prophesied over me that she could see many hands reaching for me, to give to me, to love me. Others in my life have said that this is a time of me really seeing my worth and how people value me, like never before. I am finding that I am far more valued than I ever imagined and it isn’t new. I just didn’t see it. I believed lies and behaved from that perspective but I am not doing that any more. What I am noticing is amazing.

My husband was face timing 3 friends when he came home from work one day. He passed the phone to me and when the 3 guys saw me, I was ready to cry. They all tilted their heads to the side, smiling and what I can only describe as pure love, shone on their faces. I was stunned. It was very overwhelming and I even laughed and told them they were gonna make me cry looking at me like that. Then they all laughed.

The truth is what my Mama Robin recently told me when I thanked her for loving me. She said, “Loving you is the easy part.” I am seeing now that it’s true. I am easy to love and oh so valued by so many. I am so grateful.

Who Do YOU Think You Are?

~ Patrice A London ~ Leave a comment

Romans 6 is filled with how God sees you as a believer.  It says you are dead to sin, and alive in Christ. You are joined with Christ in baptism. You can live new a life. Death has no power over you. You live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 7 says you are no longer bound by the law, struggling with sin. Romans 8 calls you more than conquerors. Other verses call you a royal priesthood, the very son or daughter of God almighty. You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.  You are deeply loved and on and on and on.

As one who encourages and ministers to others regularly, I don’t find it particularly hard to see the gold in others.  God has enabled me to see others as he sees them and be able to help them to see it too. As easy as it is to encourage and uplift others, I am finding that, in some ways, I have neglected to see myself in a proper light.  I noticed a few days ago that on several occasions I have said something about myself that simply is no longer true of my character.

I grew up in a single parent household, my mom’s only child.  As such, when kids tried to back me up against the wall and bully me, I came out fighting, and fighting hard.  I was always known as nice and sweet but I was also eventually known as one to not mess with as word of my completely out of control behavior spread.  It took a long while for me to get angry, but once I was, it would be as if I was taken over by someone completely different and completely unpredictable.  I am no longer that person.  I have not behaved in that way in over 23 years, yet I find that I still feel as if I am not far from that unpredictable, uncontrollable person at times and recently, I have referred to myself as that person.

Thank God for revelation!  I feel that He is patiently making His rounds throughout various areas in my life where a complete overhaul is needed in my mind and I am so grateful for it. The thing is, because, in those moments in my past, I seemed to be capable of things I never thought possible, getting angry like that today is kind of scary to consider. Here’s the thing though… God has helped me to develop a level of patience that I must say, I don’t see in many at all.  Also, God has changed how I see, so things that once would have upset me fairly quickly, just don’t.  For most women, messing with their children is a big no-no.  A man was recently openly ogling my 13 year old daughter in a very lecherous manner.  This was something that could easily set me off instantaneously.  What happened floored me though.  Not only did I not get angry, but two things happened. First, I positioned myself so that the man saw and knew that I caught his nasty looks.  I simply stared at him unflinchingly. This made him super uncomfortable.  Then I told him that yes, I saw him and from that moment, until he left, he seemed to be unable to stop himself from looking back at me and my gaze never left him until he was gone.  I effectively protected my child without acting like a fool in a public place.  The second thing caught me off guard.  I actually felt a sense of compassion for the guy.  Although I didn’t go and prophesy over him while there, (baby steps… gotta start somewhere, lol) I did feel for him and I began to see who God created him to be; a man of purity and righteousness.  God has changed my mind and how I respond to the unlovely things of this world.

This makes me realize more than ever that if He sees me as good, why don’t I?  Why am I still holding myself to past behaviors, mistakes and mindsets when He has obviously done so much mind renewal in my life?  I am now making a concerted effort to agree with my Abba about who I am.  What about you?  How do you see yourself?  Does it conflict with what God says about you?  Who will you choose to believe?